Twenty Questions (E14): Dear 20 Year Old Self

I am sure you have looked back at your life at some point and thought, "why didn't I do that differently?" I am not saying that you regret it, but maybe you see how young you were at the time and you want to give your 20 year old self a little advice. I polled readers about this and today I am going to give their answers along with some of my own. My question to you is...what advice would YOU give your 20 year old self if you could? And do you think your 20 year old self would take it? 

1. Lisa said: Worry less. Enjoy having complete control over your time. 

2. Ernie said: Chill out- it’ll all work out. Family can be the friends you choose to surround yourself with. And maybe select a career path or look into getting another degree so you have a fall back plan. 
 

3. Melissa said: People won't think less of you if you get things wrong some of the time.

4.  Diane said: I think it would be "Keep doing what you're doing."  Also - "Save for retirement." 

5. Nance said: Please relax and don't be so hard on yourself.

6. Tobia said: Love your body. Enjoy being young. 

7. San said: Stop trying to please other people, you can't please everyone.

8. Stephany said: Start an emergency savings account, even if you can only put $10 a month in it!

9. Kat said: Go to a different grad school, probably closer to home! I went to one several states away in a city where I knew no one and it just wasn’t the right choice for me at the age of 21. I floundered! And that affected my confidence and trajectory for a long time, unfortunately. 

10. Suzanne said: Connection is the source of so much joy and comfort. You will never regret nourishing the relationships with people in your life. 

11. Nicole said: Go for it!

12. Elisabeth said: You're not doing anything wrong. This feels hard because it is hard. 

Thanks ladies! These are all solid pieces of advice! I am still trying to follow some of them even now! Here are a few that I would tell my 20 year old self. 

Australia - Great Ocean Road
(with a real camera!)

13. Reach higher than you think you can. Despite being a know it all sometimes, I lacked confidence in myself in certain things. I applied for colleges partially for financial reasons, but I should have found what I wanted (Berkeley) and figured out what I needed to do to get there. Ironically I had really good grades and may have even gotten in, but at 17, I did not think so. And even at 20 I probably did not try hard enough to get what I actually wanted. 

14. Be more appreciative. I was always a polite child, but there have been some people in my life who have gone out of their way to do things for me, and I am not sure that I properly was thankful to them at the time. 

15. Call your mother! I have always had a good relationship with my Mom (she may beg to differ re my teenage years!) and I did have regular contact with her in college, but I am sure that no matter what day it was, or time it was, she would have been happy to hear from me more. I can't imagine what it is like to have a person you are used to seeing every day, who has been living in your house, who you have been responsible for for so long, suddenly be miles away, doing their own thing, not "needing" you. It is probably hard, and I did not recognize that then. 

16. You are beautiful. I used to wear a t-shirt over my swimming suit at the beach. I was embarrassed of my body, of people seeing it. I did get over that slowly, but I never considered myself good looking and always felt there were things that could be improved. I have gotten used to myself, and am happy to have strong legs and a nice smile, but back in my 20s, I did not appreciate my body. I see teenage girls even now talking about how they need to go on a diet, and it makes me sad. They are beautiful too, and I wish they could see what I see. 

17. Being right is not that important. I agree with Melissa. We all make mistakes; that is what makes us human. My way is not always the right way, and being wrong or doing something wrong is not the end of the world! However, some of the mistakes I have made have helped me learn, so I guess in some part, we have to go through each of the steps to get to the end. 

18. The world is huge; go out and explore it! I think 20 year old me would like this piece of advice. But I don't just mean go somewhere and party and act like a loud American. I mean see it, and learn from it, and be part of it. 

19. Be more patient. I am not patient. This is one I am still working on. But perhaps if I learned to be more patient when I was 20, I would be more patient now! I like to have a purpose or a goal. I walk fast; I like to get things done in a timely manner; I hate waiting for things, or people. However, in the last several years, I have learned the joy of a good book, or just staring at the sea from time to time, or sitting with a coffee just because. 

20. Keep a journal. I do have a lot of things written down, and I have kept some sort of written record (or verbal sometimes) of things, but I do sometimes wish I had more information about certain times of my life. I am often very factual in my records, but I wish I could remember more about my emotions at certain times. My Mom and Grandma are and were very good at this, but I could do better! 

So there you have it; now it is your turn! Which one of the above pieces of advice resonates with you the most? What would you tell your 20 year old self if you could, and do you think your 20 year old self would take the advice?