The Meek Shall Inherit The Earth

I was going to take a Day Off today, but when The Lightning and The Lightning Bug picked me for their writer of the week, of course I had to join in with their Dare to Share link up! In case you don't know about it, each Saturday, Katie picks a topic for the weekend. You write on the topic, post it and link up HERE. It's one of my favorite link ups, since I frequently blog in "laundry list" form. It gets me out of my laziness comfort zone and encourages me to write about topics I may not explore otherwise.

This week's topic is: Fight For Your Right: write about something that involves standing up for something you believe in. You can stand up for a cause, support your opinion, or just rant about something that makes you mad.

I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things, but generally I do not voice them. I do not fight for as many rights as I should be fighting for. I would rather seethe with anger under my skin than say anything. Actually, I wouldn’t rather seethe, not really. I would like to know how to effectively stand up for what I want, to voice my opinion without getting unnecessarily angry. 

My boyfriend and his family are very vocal. If they have something to say, they say it, and in my mind, sometimes it’s a little much. To them, this is the way they are, honest, sometimes brutally so. To me, it is scary. This is not to say that he or his family are wrong in the way they express their anger and opinions, they just do it differently from my family, which probably has a lot of un-spoken issues, just waiting to explode. 

This makes for an interesting relationship. There are many instances where he is yelling at me to, “tell him what I want” and I am silently staring him down with the evil eye and my mouth drawn tight in a line and my hands clenched in my lap. He thinks I am thinking what an A-hole he is, while really I am thinking of all the things I could have said or should be saying. I am crafting a discussion in my head, as if it were an essay. First I will say X and then, he will say Y. If he says Z, I will say W. But he will probably say V instead. 

So when I finally squeak out my answer from my clenched lips, which of course NEVER comes out the way that it was playing in my head, I never really feel as satisfied as I thought I would. It usually comes out gruffer, more hurt or angrier than I really am. Why can’t I just say what I mean, and say what I want, and say it nicely? Why can’t I stand up for myself without making it a big deal? I don’t know. Maybe it would work better if my relationship were letter based, like in the olden days. 

“My love, I have missed you so much. Perhaps when we finally see each other, we can go to that brunch place I have wanted to try. Love, your sweetheart forever. “

Did those people fight over nothing when they finally met up for brunch?

I am learning, however. Learning that it is better to just say what you want, what YOU need. This may not avoid an argument, but at least all bets will be on the table and you can go from there. You have to SAY what you want to even come close to working to get it. It’s like winning the lottery; you are never going to win if you don’t play. 

As Mick Jagger said, “You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.” 

______

Also on a totally unrelated note, I have a race tomorrow and here is the weather forecast. Bummer. So please everyone, cross your fingers for clarity (and lower humidity) between 7:30 and 9:30 tomorrow morning! Thanks! 

Message Received

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Communicating is sometimes hard for me. I don't always like to talk on the phone; I am not very good at expressing myself vocally; I prefer to write things in a letter or a journal or on a post it note. When I was young, my mother used to yell at me and I would just glare at her wordlessly. I am not good with words. If there is a "wrong thing" to say, I may accidentally say it. I take that back, I will probably say it. So I sometimes keep quiet instead.

When I went to college, I received my very first email address from CSU, Sacramento. I had no idea what to do with it. The only people I knew with email addresses were the other students in my classes, and I could just talk to them. Why would I go all the way to the computer lab to email someone that lived right next door to me in the dorms? However, I did go over there to sometimes play solitaire on the computer between classes. Other than that, I didn’t see what all the fuss was about, maybe because there was no fuss.

The first time I went abroad, I lived and worked in France for three months. Every couple of weeks, I would buy a phone card and go and stand on the street at a pay phone and call my parents to let them know that I was okay, where I had been and what I was doing. I sent post cards and letters and beer labels home to my friends. I wrote in my journal and kept a box of scrapbook worthy items (mostly beer labels). There were internet cafes, but they were mostly full of people smoking and drinking coffee in front of empty computer stations. I did have an email address, but I still did not know a lot of people who had emails themselves, nor was using email as a means of communication yet a habit.

I am learning to communicate. I am still not very good at doing it vocally. However, through the means of email, I have learned to ask questions and to ask for help; I have asked people out on lunch dates that I may not have asked before; I have learned things about people that I would not have asked them about. I have made friends that I probably would not have made if I had to pick up the phone and talk to them, not only around the world, but even on a smaller scale such as around the office at work.

Both the internet and I have come very far since the 90s. I did not have that first email address until I was 18. I didn’t really use it until I was 22. And then that was ALL I used the internet for. I didn’t even own my own computer until I was 26. I didn’t need it! I went to the computer lab to study and to write papers and to do research on the internet. Now I use it to find knowledge and different worlds and great people.

The communication lines are now open.

I always wonder if I would be different if I had been a child in a world full of Internet. Would I know more or less? Would I be more outgoing or less? Would I still hand-write Thank You cards or not?

This post is part of the Write on Edge RemembeRED prompt. Today's assignment was:

Many of us remember life before the internet. We wrote letters instead of emails, used encyclopedias instead of Google, and went to parties that weren’t of the Twitter variety. For this week’s prompt, we want you to recall those early memories of being online. Tell us how it impacted your life and what it meant for you. Write about your experience in 600 words or less.



Now tell me -- do YOU remember the days before the internet? When did you get your first email address? When did you actually start to use the internet regularly?

Word Play

It’s not that I don’t have anything to write about, but I wanted to branch out, to write about something other than travel, food or weather. Yup, most of my blogs are about one of those three topics, either directly or indirectly. So, I thought, why not get some suggestions from someone else, to see if I can write about something else, or if the things that interest me, namely eating, traveling and commenting on the weather, really are the only thing I can elaborate on. Also, researching/finding out about new things is one of my favorite things to do and this will give me knowledge about things that I may not have known about before.

My inspiration comes from Aunt Lucy, who tipped me off about the  Shutter Sisters, who are photographers who are doing a project called The One Word Project. They give you a word every month and you send in photos associated with that word and they post a photo a day from someone who has sent one in. If you get a chance to check out their site, do so, it is very fun. Lucy is also doing a project where she takes photos of things with words on them and posts one every day, which is also really interesting (check it out here). So I guess 2010 is the year of the word.

I will take their idea and add a twist – I am asking people to send ME “one word”, whatever comes to their mind. Once a month I will write about one of the words that have been sent to me. Obviously, I am not going to steal the Shutter Sister’s name or project, so this will be the Word Play project. (Version 2k10). –