Two Pees in a Pod: Part II

Disclaimer: If you do not like potty talk, you should avert your eyes.

On my travels I have used the toilet in a lot of strange places. Each place has it’s own toilet system, flush system and wiping system. I am here to let you know, because I am sure you have been wondering: How do these systems work?

Let’s start with a basic one, the western toilet with a flush. If you are lucky, you may get one of these. However, in most countries, I would say pretty much all, you are not supposed to flush the toilet paper in the toilet. So, that is the most simple toilet system that is different from ours. However, you may not be able to find the flush, as sometimes it is a push down, sometimes it is a pull up, sometimes on top of the tank, sometimes on the side, sometimes a chain you have to pull down, and sometimes a pedal you push with your foot. These can be found throughout the world in nicer establishments.

Let the fun continue.

Thailand/Laos/Cambodia:

bucket and sprayer set up

- Mostly these are western but sometimes they are squat toilets. Generally there is no toilet paper given and if you wonder why, it’s because they don’t always use it. Next to the toilet you will usually find a sprayer, like the kind you have on your kitchen sink to wash it down with. You use that to spray whatever parts you may need to spray. To be honest, after a “number 1”, this is not a bad way to go if you don’t mind being a tad damp afterwards. I am not sure I am ready to use this system for anything more serious than a number 1 though.

- Many toilets in these countries do not have a typical flush system. Instead they have a bucket. One is big and full of water. The other is small and sometimes has a little handle. You use the little bucket to scoop water out of the big bucket and then you throw the pail-full of water into the toilet. This works fine for numero uno, but sometimes with it‘s big bad cousin you have to keep pouring bucket after bucket after bucket…

India:

Generally in India, they have squat toilets. Sometimes they have flushes, but usually they have a bucket system like Thailand. What I learned in India was how to wipe using this system. Basically after doing your business, you use the small bucket. You fill it up and splash your nether regions with water, using your hand (the left one -- always!) to wipe yourself. Yup. Your hand. Then you use the bucket to “wash” your hand. And this folks is why Indians (and Arabs) only eat (and shake hands) with their right hand.

By the way, I always carry toilet paper. And I probably freaked out many Indians by eating with both hands!!

China:

China varies…a lot. In one case, the toilets were just 4 holes in the ground next to each other. I also experienced a trough system, where all the stalls have a connecting trough where you leave your contributions. This would not be too bad except that it doesn’t have a slant, so whatever you contribute just stays where it is.

The funniest is the western toilets that have been stood upon. Used to squat toilets, some people actually climb up on the western toilet and squat on the lid in order to use the bathroom. You can tell by the footprints on the toilet lid.

The best toilet EVER was a massaging, heated toilet that squirts air, water or deodorant right in your rear. Its like a toy. It has all these buttons; you just can’t help but push them. I mean…HEATED SEAT?!!!

I am sure there will be many more strange toilets in my future. I have to talk about it because it is just such a main part of everyday life. Every day a new toilet to investigate. A new way to flush. A new way to wipe.

Have you ever seen a toilet with an oscillating rear jet stream of water? What is the strangest toilet system you have encountered?

China "fun" toilet

China trough toilet

Two Pees in a Pod: Part I

Taken by me in Bolivia 2008

Disclaimer: if you are adverse to potty talk or the word "ass", you may want to skip this one.

Water, Water, Everywhere: Have you ever had to pee really bad but there was no place to go? How long can you hold it? I have found out on my travels that I can hold it for a very long time. Not a very comfortable thing to do, but it is possible. There have been several multi hour bus trips where the driver doesn’t stop very often and you are not sure when he is going to stop. Then he does stop and you run around like a chicken with it’s head cut off looking for the toilet. You find a person, any person and say “toilet??” Sometimes they understand you, sometimes they don’t. You mime peeing (legs crossed, pointing at groin). Still no response. You squat down on the ground. Maybe then they begin to understand.

The other day I was on a 2 hour boat ride with no facilities. Right after breakfast and two cups of coffee. It was like, “water water everywhere but not a….” place to pee! I contemplated (many times) asking the skipper to stop so I could jump in the ocean to pee. I was that desperate. Of course the fact that there IS water everywhere does not make it any easier to hold it either. I made it to the dock, but then did the aforementioned chicken dance.

Urinating in Public: I am from the mountains and sometimes you have to pee on a bush, but sometimes in other countries, you don’t even get a bush to pee on. I was in Vietnam a few years ago on a loooong (25 hours) bus ride and the bus never stopped. I had to go to the bathroom so bad. Finally the bus driver pulled over on the side of the highway and all the locals on the bus ran out and began to pee on the side of the road. I knew it was my only chance, so I too, bared my ass to the locals and did what I had to do.

This is not the only time this has happened. In Mozambique, a similar thing happened. The bus pulls over and I hear the driver say (and excuse me; my Portuguese is really Spanish), “senhoras, aca; senhores, alla” and everyone got off the bus. The ladies went to the back and the men went to the front. Just like that. Bare assed on the side of the road again.

In Bolivia, I was in a high plain area, I think it was about 16,000 feet. For some reason high altitude makes me have to go a lot! I tried to hold it but alas, it was not to be. “Senor” I said, “necessito ir al bano!” (thank goodness for 9th grade Spanish!) He pulled over and I showed my ass to all the Bolivians.

The best and most recent public wee was in China where “public restroom” takes another meaning. There are no partitions, only a row of 3 or 4 holes in the ground. You squat down next to your fellow woman and do what you have to do, right there in front of everyone. I was really nervous about peeing on my shoes in front of everyone; I was not as nervous (anymore!) about showing them my bum.

When in doubt, use the…Urinal?: Yup, I once had to use a urinal. Even better was that this was a “bathroom” with only three walls so when you are standing at the urinal, your back shows. Luckily I had a sarong and a friend to hold it up against the opening, acting like a 4th wall. How does this work, you may wonder. Well if you pull your pants all the way down and kind of straddle the urinal, its not really that bad at all. I was worried about peeing on my leg, but I narrowly escaped that fate.

Where is the weirdest place you have had to use the bathroom? What has been your most difficult pee story?