I ask a lot of questions. Some people don't really like that. For instance, one person, let's call them X, asked me if I wanted to go for dinner. It went kind of like this.
X: Do you want to go for dinner when I get off work?
Me: What time do you get off?
X: I am not sure. I am supposed to get off at 6 but I may stay later.
Me: Where do you want to go?
X: I don't know. Wherever.
Me: Are we going to walk or drive?
X: Grrr...why are you asking so many questions? I just wanted to go for dinner.
Okay. Let's stop for a minute. I have a good reason for asking all of these questions. For example. I get off at 5 and I want to take a run after work. Will I have time to go before we eat? If we are going at 6, I may try to get off early; if we are going at 8, I will probably stay until 5 and run before dinner. If we are going to walk, I may do a shorter run. If we are going for a large dinner as opposed to a light dinner, I might do a longer run.
But, I realize it may get a little annoying when I don't just say YES sometimes. But I want to be sure about what I am agreeing to before I agree! Otherwise sometimes plans end up not working out the right way.
For example, the other day my friend asked me if I wanted to go for a hike the next morning. I did want to go for a hike, but I also wanted to go for a run, and my original plan was to go for a run in the morning. I had friends coming over for drinks and food at 4 and I wanted to start getting the food and the house ready around 1 pm. So I asked her what time she wanted to hike. She said 9:00 am.
Normally I would ask: Does this mean leaving the house at nine, arriving at the trail head at nine, or starting the hike at nine? Where are we going? How long will we be hiking? But I have been scolded, so I didn't ask anything. In fact, I ASS-umed that the hike would be a couple of hours, which would leave me with enough time to go running, shower and start getting ready for my guests.
The next day I got up around 7 but decided to wait for my run until after the hike, since if we were supposed to start hiking at 9 we would have to leave the house around 8:30. 8:30 rolled around and we weren't leaving. Was I allowed to ask questions now? I wasn't sure. I finally asked when we were leaving and was told that the person we were meeting was going to let us know when they were leaving the house and then we were going to leave the house. I don't really do well with these kind of time definitions.
We ended up leaving at 9:45, then waiting at the trail head and then to top it all off, the place we went for our "hike" was a paved, flat path with a ton of slow mo families with bikes and dogs. The pace was leisurely at best.
Then we went to brunch and the person we were with had a dog so we had to sit outside so we couldn't just take the first available table and I carpooled so I couldn't just leave and the whole time I am picturing my run getting shorter and shorter and then just withering away.
I got back home at 3. Did I mention that I had people coming over at 4?
I guess the moral of this story is...annoying or not, I am going to ask a million questions before saying yes to anything.
So, let me ask you something: do you care about the little details or are you more of a go with the flow kind of person?
X: Do you want to go for dinner when I get off work?
Me: What time do you get off?
X: I am not sure. I am supposed to get off at 6 but I may stay later.
Me: Where do you want to go?
X: I don't know. Wherever.
Me: Are we going to walk or drive?
X: Grrr...why are you asking so many questions? I just wanted to go for dinner.
Okay. Let's stop for a minute. I have a good reason for asking all of these questions. For example. I get off at 5 and I want to take a run after work. Will I have time to go before we eat? If we are going at 6, I may try to get off early; if we are going at 8, I will probably stay until 5 and run before dinner. If we are going to walk, I may do a shorter run. If we are going for a large dinner as opposed to a light dinner, I might do a longer run.
But, I realize it may get a little annoying when I don't just say YES sometimes. But I want to be sure about what I am agreeing to before I agree! Otherwise sometimes plans end up not working out the right way.
For example, the other day my friend asked me if I wanted to go for a hike the next morning. I did want to go for a hike, but I also wanted to go for a run, and my original plan was to go for a run in the morning. I had friends coming over for drinks and food at 4 and I wanted to start getting the food and the house ready around 1 pm. So I asked her what time she wanted to hike. She said 9:00 am.
Normally I would ask: Does this mean leaving the house at nine, arriving at the trail head at nine, or starting the hike at nine? Where are we going? How long will we be hiking? But I have been scolded, so I didn't ask anything. In fact, I ASS-umed that the hike would be a couple of hours, which would leave me with enough time to go running, shower and start getting ready for my guests.
The next day I got up around 7 but decided to wait for my run until after the hike, since if we were supposed to start hiking at 9 we would have to leave the house around 8:30. 8:30 rolled around and we weren't leaving. Was I allowed to ask questions now? I wasn't sure. I finally asked when we were leaving and was told that the person we were meeting was going to let us know when they were leaving the house and then we were going to leave the house. I don't really do well with these kind of time definitions.
We ended up leaving at 9:45, then waiting at the trail head and then to top it all off, the place we went for our "hike" was a paved, flat path with a ton of slow mo families with bikes and dogs. The pace was leisurely at best.
Then we went to brunch and the person we were with had a dog so we had to sit outside so we couldn't just take the first available table and I carpooled so I couldn't just leave and the whole time I am picturing my run getting shorter and shorter and then just withering away.
I got back home at 3. Did I mention that I had people coming over at 4?
I guess the moral of this story is...annoying or not, I am going to ask a million questions before saying yes to anything.
So, let me ask you something: do you care about the little details or are you more of a go with the flow kind of person?
I think when you are a runner or training for something, it forces you to ask questions and get details because you have to fit in training runs ( even if you aren't training for a race and want to stay active, you need to plan when you will fit in your workouts). I am definitely more like you. I don't go with the flow very well, unless I am on vacation.
ReplyDeleteA challenge I run into is that sometimes people don't want to give a firm commitment on weekend plans. So I will ask someone if they want to get dinner, and they will say, I will let you know when you are closer to the weekend. Well that doesn't work for me because if there is a chance that person won't be available, I'd rather contact someone else to assure that I will have someone to have dinner with. I think living alone/being single has forced me to be more of a planner because if I don't plan something, I won't have anyone to see, which is fine sometimes, but not all the time. Plus we are now at the age where spontaneous get togethers just don't happen/work, so planning is a must!
Oh I am all about the details...and it drives my hubby NUTS!!!
ReplyDeleteI definitely want the details too. But I think many people interpret them as being conditions. So I'll start with "I'd love to do/go whatever." But then what time/where, etc. because...then I state my needs. Does that make any sense?
ReplyDeleteI'm a little like that and a little go with the flow. In theory I want exact plans NOW. But my husband is so the go with the flow ehhh tonight's dinner is too far in advance to plan for so I have to adjust. Though it does GET SUPER ANNOYING when trying to coordinate with multiple people.
ReplyDeleteI would say that questions are needed if you have plans. Maybe, just maybe, you should weigh whether a run is a priority or being with the person is more important. I know we like our routines, but sometimes it's good to be flexible.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, I like to know details, too. It's something that drives me crazy when I want to do stuff and am trying to accommodate others into that plan.
I'd say you are your parent's daughter. They are PLANNERS to the max. LOL!
Questions for sure! How in the world can you get things done and make the most of your day without the details. I know some people do it just fine without the details but how they do it is beyond me.
ReplyDeleteHahahahaaha. I am not laughing at you but this post cracks me up. I would probably word my response more like this:
ReplyDelete"I would love to grab dinner with you but I work until 5 and need to squeeze in a run after work. Can we do a later dinner, like 7:30?"
I am a planner to some degree but I also like to be go with the flow. And honestly in the summer I HATE having solid weekend plans because I like to be even MORE go with the flow than normal and I hate having something planned at an exact time in case something else comes up. I do feel your pain being stuck on that long hike/brunch etc. outing on Sunday though because I do hate feeling "stuck" somewhere because I don't have my own vehicle to get myself out of there!
Runner or not, loosey-goosey plans drive me nuts. I usually make concrete plans with someone or no plan at all. I feel like with some people, they want to be so much on their terms that it is almost like they're not respecting that I value time in my day too.
ReplyDeleteFor me it depends on the situation - but if I ask you out to dinner, I would have the answers! Or at least ask you what you would like... :)
ReplyDeleteOh, I am definitely the girl wanting to know exactly when we're going to go somewhere, how long it will be, etc. I try to be "go with the flow" on some things, but I'm not a big fan of the spontaneous so I like my things planned out in advance. I can see why some people might get annoyed by your questions... but I still think they are valid q's! :)
ReplyDeleteI totally ask questions. And, I ask a million questions really far ahead of time. But, I also give a lot of information when I invite someone to do something. So they don't have to ask a lot of questions.
ReplyDeleteUgh, that situation would have driven me crazy, especially because you carpooled and couldn't have snuck out early.
Haha, I'm with you! I'm ok with pretty much anything, as long as I know what it will involve.
ReplyDeleteUgh- that is frustrating! I definitely like to have it all planned out and know exactly what to expect as well. I need to be able to plan my day!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on asking questions especially when other things depend on what time and where and for how long you are going to be there.
ReplyDeleteSo, here's the thing. Your reasons for asking questions are totally justified. Your friends' response of annoyance is also justified. And, it's all about communication. If you told me that you do want to go to dinner, but also want to fit in a run ... and our dinner plans would determine how you'd fit in that run ... then, I'd be much less annoyed (probably not annoyed at all) by your questions versus you just outright barraging me with questions. And in that second example of the hike ... had your friends known you wanted to fit in a run, maybe they would've been less relaxed about departure time or more inclined to encourage you to run before the hike. Y'know? I tend to ask questions, too, but I always give background on why I need/want to know.
ReplyDeleteOMG CHRIS DOES THIS TO ME. Hahaha!!! It used to drive me nuts, because I like to get straight to the point and then figure out the details. Where he's like you, and asks qualifying questions first.
ReplyDeleteAfter 16 years together, we've learned to meet in the middle. Mostly.