November 2021 was a rough month. I had a falling out with a friend; we don't need to talk about that too much. Also, my grandmother passed away. She had a good life and was 89 years old, but it was a bit sudden. My aunt contacted us to say that my grandma had gone to the hospital with a UTI and shortly after that her organs started to shut down and my aunt was about to put my grandma into hospice. My brother and I got the first redeye we could find and flew to Boston to be there with my aunt and grandma. It is a good thing we did, as she was gone less than 72 hours later.
She saved a box of journals (I suspect she also threw a lot of them away) and we have been passing them around the family and recently it was my turn to have the box. I had a great time reading them and getting an insight into her life that I had not had before. My grandma and I were not so close that we spoke all the time or saw each other very often (she lived in MA) but she was on Facebook and email and we exchanged messages and notes from time to time. She was an avid reader and we often bonded over what book we were reading. I would probably see her every few years at the very least and we had a great time swimming in her local pond, reading and eating ice cream.
However, her journals were from the 80s, when she was in her early 50s, my parents were in their late 20s and I was but a girl. At this time in her life she was a manager at a halfway house and her journals reflect the strife that she experienced on a daily basis. She also spent a lot of time in her garden, reading and spending time with friends, often in Maine, which was a special place to her. It is interesting reading about her life not as my grandma, which is what she was to me, but as a woman, a person who did things, a person with stresses etc.
I especially enjoyed a series of entries that she wrote in 1988 when I went to visit her all by myself that summer. I got to ride on a plane alone and got the wings and everything (PS do parents still do this?) She wrote a lot about the weather, but also about what we did when I was there.
"Finally, clearing skies so we had our picnic lunch and great swims at the pond, then gardening and a fun evening with games at Lucy's. Kyria spent the night - a bit of a respite for me." (I love the last part.) I have a confession; I have also been known to keep a journal and I have an entry from this same day! "We ate blueberry pancakes for breakfast. Then I read until 9:30 and watched TV until 10:25 (I am pretty sure my grandma only let me watch one hour a day). Then I came into my room and wrote in my diary (I am very factual). I'm going to write some more when I do more things. We went to Aunt Lucy's and had dinner. I stayed the night there and stayed up until eleven. It rained that night but not in the day."
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| My 1988 Journal |
Here is another from grandma: "Woke to light rain; after lunch we saw Willow at the cinema - great fun! and the cows and calves at Peaceful Meadows (this was a dairy where there was ice cream - one of our favorite spots), ice cream, puzzles, books and Sorry (the board game)." Here is mine on the same day: "Today it was raining so we went to a movie called Willow. It was good." (factual)
Here are a few others from other times that I found fun: "Another wonderful day, painted lawn furniture and cleared up yard. Halcyon (where her brother lived) for herbing and talking and a great steak dinner. Home to Mondale-Reagan debate." Reagan! "Gorgeous day out but 18 degrees. Boys and I all have a touch of the tummy flu - up at 4:30 am! Baked cookies, knit, sewed, played. Nice quiet supper, home at 9 pm. Fine weekend." (funny even though she had the flu, it was a fine weekend).
As you can see, I have had a very fun time taking a walk down memory lane and even though she probably got rid of some of the more personal or emotional sections or books, I have enjoyed reading more about her day to day life, even though a lot of it, like most of us, is pretty repetitive!
As I mentioned, I have always kept a journal of sorts. Many times it is just factual as seen above, and usually is a record of my travels more than a daily life kind of thing, but sometimes I record thoughts or feelings. I also (obviously!) have this space, where many of my memories are held. However, this space is full of things that I don't mind being public but I am not really sure how I would feel about someone reading my journals that I am not putting out on the internet. Most likely, many of them would be similar to my grandmother's entries -- the weather, a quick recap of my day, nothing very personal -- but it does make me wonder what may be in them that I would not really want to share. However, when I am gone, does it even matter? My Mom also keeps a journal, which I would want to read when she is gone, but I have a feeling she will not want that (hi Mom!) as it is personal! Hopefully she will leave us a few.
I will end with a passage from an entry she wrote from Acadia, Maine that I especially enjoyed: "As we eventually settle ourselves and try to organize the boxes, parcels and bags for the trip home tomorrow, we are lifted by a PBS Bernstein concert of Brahms "Violin Concerto!" Could it be played for us in a more entrancing place? The evening is calm, cool and soft. I am replete."
Do you keep a journal? Would you prefer to get rid of it before anyone else read it? What items do you cherish from your loved ones who are gone?
