The Joke Is On Me: Photocopies

You may remember my prior Joke Is On Me posts, where I recount something dumb I have done in my life. I mean, really, there are endless things, but I have only posted about a couple of them so far, like the time I forgot my ATM card when traveling abroad to a place where I needed cash. Or the time I found some super old travelers checks and the bank did not want to cash them. Well I am back to deliver yet another story of stupidity and how I got out of it in one piece. 

Let me set the backstory. It was 2005. I was working in Gainesville, Florida as a contractor to the federal government. For those of you who don't already know this, I am from California. I have a California Driver License. Okay, so now back to the story. I flew from Orlando to Ireland to meet up with a San Francisco friend and have a wonderful time exploring Ireland. As we often do, we also met up with a local friend, who lived near the Shannon airport where we were flying out of. This was the last night that we were in Ireland, and we had a blast going to bars in his little town, using the men's restroom because the line for the ladies was too long (you've all done this, right?) and visiting with him. 

Christ Church Cathedral, Dublin

At the end of the night, we responsibly took a cab home, I paid for the cab and we went to bed. The next morning, our friend took us to the airport and dropped us off and we went up to the counter to check in. At this point, I realized that I did not have my wallet. This wallet was one of those ones that is about the size of a passport and holds your passport, money and credit cards. I had ALL OF MY THINGS in this wallet, including my passport, money, license, and credit cards. Luckily, this was in the days of cell phones, but they were not smart! However, I did have my Irish friend's number and I called him and he came back and picked us back up and took us back home to search for the wallet. 

We searched everywhere, even behind and under the bed, in the sheets, in the couch cushion, even in the trash. I was frantic. In my mind I was thinking a few things. First, I am pretty religious in putting things back exactly where they belong. I am not a person who loses their keys. I am NOT a person who forgets their credit card at the bar. I am organized. Where could it be!? Second, I was already thinking of plan B. My Irish friend had to leave for work, and he did not live in a town with a consulate, and if I remember correctly, it may even have been a Sunday. I was frantically thinking about how I would get to the consulate and how I would have to rebook my flight and call work and also how at the very least, we needed to get my San Francisco friend back to the airport so she could get on the flight. 

After mulling it over, I decided to go with her and try one last ditch thing. First, she gave me some cash and one of her credit cards so I would be able to get back to the Irish friend's house, and could use the card later if needed. Second, I pulled out my plan B, which was a paper color copy document of all of my important documents. It had a copy of my passport, my driver license and all of the credit cards I had been carrying. I sent my friend off to go through security and I went up to the counter and gave the check in lady my sob story. After some hemming and hawing, she told me that she would give me my ticket, but she did not know if I would get through security or customs with no documents. 

Of course I decided to give it a shot. I went to security, got a lot of push back, but ultimately they let me through, but cautioned that I probably would not get through customs. I got to the customs desk and they also gave me pushback, and even brought in their superior, but I pleaded and finally they said that since I was leaving their country, not entering, that they would let me through and it would be up to the US whether or not they wanted to deny me entry. I was overjoyed. My armpits were sweating nervous sweat as I ran, not walked, through the airport, because, to top it all off, I could hear them announcing the doors were closing on my flight. 

I made it in the nick of time, as the doors were actually already closed, but they opened them again and let me on the flight. I sat down next to my friend and boy was she surprised!! I don't think I have ever been so thirsty in my life though, as I felt like I had run a marathon to get there. 

Cliffs of Moher (I think)

But wait, this story is not yet over! I still had to get back into the US! We got to the US and went our separate ways, and when I got to the customs desk, they said that they could not accept the paper copy. However, luckily I had my federal work ID, which I had not put in my wallet because it has a plastic protective case on it and it wouldn't fit. So I whipped that out and pleaded once again (I did a LOT of groveling over a 24 hour period), and they said yes. I had never been so happy in my life. In my mind I was wondering what would happen if they said no. Would they send me back to Ireland? And if so, would they let me in? The other thing I did while on my layover was to cancel all my credit cards. However, and I don't know how this happened, I had the foresight to keep one open so I could use it for my car rental and hotel payments. Go me! 

I arrived in Orlando and went to Avis to get my rental car. You are probably seeing where this is going. They would not accept neither the copy of my ID nor the copy of my credit card for payment. However, they said there was a smaller rental company around the corner that may take it. I went around the corner to Ma and Pa car rentals, and sure enough, they did use the copy to type in my credit card details. WHEW! I had the same issue when I checked back into my hotel for work, but luckily we had been working out of this hotel for a few months by this point and they knew me by face, so could wait until I got my new card to pay. 

So now I am in Florida with no ID, I do not live there permanently and I cannot get a new CA drivers license without being there in person. So now I am driving a rental car with no license, I cannot get a FL license without a residence, and I cannot get a CA license without going back to CA, but I don't have an ID to get on a plane with. So I thought I would go to the post office and get a new passport, because on the website it says that you can get one with a copy of your birth certificate and a government issued ID. Luckily I have my government badge for work! 

I go to the post office a week later with my items and she denies that my ID is a government issued ID, and I say to her, "lady, this is the EXACT definition of a government issued ID! I work for the government and they issued it to me" Actually I do not say that to her, I just mutter and turn red and try not to cry, but seriously, I had to go through an extensive background check, get fingerprinted and promise to give them my first born child to get this ID, and you are now telling me that it is not as good as a driver license that any monkey can get!!? And she says, "Exactly. NEXT!!" 

I am pretty much stuck at this point and I go back to my hotel to stew. A couple of weeks later, I get a call from my mother saying that she just received a package for me from Ireland. When she opens it, it is MY WALLET, fully intact, with a nice note from the cab driver telling us that he found it in the back seat. She ships it to me in Florida and all is well. Luckily I hadn't yet reported my CA driver license or passport as stolen, or that would have been another whole rigmarole. 

Okay, your turn!! What scrapes have you gotten yourself into, either while traveling or just in life, and how did you get out of them? 

If you haven't already, you can fill out this form with any questions you want answered for my next ask me anything post!!

This post is part of NaBloPoMo. You can find the rest of my posts for this challenge here. You can find the list of participants and their information here. 

Am I Wearing Pants? And Other Random Stories

Who remembers this meme? 

Leg Pants. 

I think the meme above was from when it was once again becoming more common to wear leggings out in public for no reason (see --> "are they yoga pants? are you doing yoga?") and it was not always appreciated! These days it is more accepted, but there is still the "leg pants" phenomena, where I wonder if a woman (or man I guess) knows that her pants are the exact same color as her legs. Sometimes I nearly have a heart attack as I pass or come up behind her, thinking she is walking around naked. People, perhaps get a shade a few shades darker or lighter than you? Or maybe you like seeing how many people you can get to do a double take. 

As a kind of related side note, the other morning I was getting off the train and a lady was getting on the opposite train and I saw that she was wearing leg pants that really hugged her butt tightly and were the perfect color for her complexion. She had a nice fur coat on top and had her hair done up really fancy. Then I realized at the last minute that she was NOT wearing pants, or underwear and that was actually her butt I had been seeing. Good morning to you too!

Mean Dad. 

Two weekends ago I went to A's soccer game. If you come to spectate, you must sit on the same side of the centerline that your kids are sitting on on the opposite side. We arrived a few seconds after the game had already started and so the only place to sit was basically just left of the centerline (by mere inches) meaning that we were sitting right next to the spectators from the other team. There was a girl on the opposite team who was playing on our side of the field and her Dad was sitting a couple of chairs down from us. He kept yelling at her, berating her, telling her all of the things that she wasn't doing etc. (these girls are around 13 by the way). The ironic thing was that he was pretty supportive of the other players, but very critical of his own daughter, who I thought was doing quite well. 

As Broski and I were sitting there, we chatted about this cool camera that was sitting right on the centerline, filming the game. We even Googled it to find out how much it cost and surmised that one of the parents must really be into sports. My friend K (A's Mom) arrived around halftime and after she arrived, the mean Dad walked away and went to sit further down the field. I was telling her how this Dad was being so mean to his daughter and she was really doing well and K told me that the last time they played this team, the parents got into a huge fight because the parents of the other team were all being rude, mean and unsportsmanlike (i.e. telling their daughters to "take them out!" and encouraging them to hurt the other girls and things like that). Anyway, the game ended, our team won in the last three minutes (boo yeah!) and as we were packing up to go, we noticed mean Dad packing up the camera. We kind of shook our heads at ourselves, imagining him sitting at home with his poor daughter, making her relive everything she had done wrong in the game. 

Later that week I was having dinner with K and the kids and she told me that she had received a video from a parent using that same camera for L's last game and as she had watched it, she had remembered how good the audio is on these cameras. They sit up off the field about 15 or 20 feet, but she could hear the parents chatting underneath the camera. I asked her what they do with these videos and she said that often the team will review them all together and they will talk about what needs to be improved. So basically, the team that A's team played is going to do the same thing. And if they do, they are going to get an earful about how I felt about mean Dad!! Oops. However, nothing I said was not true, AND they are also going to be able to hear him berating her, so perhaps he will take note. People, we are being watched and listened to no matter where we are! I guess the moral of the story is don't say anything that you wouldn't want a bunch of thirteen year old girls (and their mean Dads) hearing! 

Expiration dates. 

Last week Nicole touched on suggested expirations and I just want to say that I pretty much ignore most expiration dates. This may make me gross in some people's minds, but I am fairly sure that most of them are just a ploy to get you to buy more of their product. Now, I know that if they are old they can be less effective or not as tasty in the case of food, but I don't think I am going to die if I use a 2 year old mascara or eat an expired can of corn. I take them as a suggestion and if it is food, I definitely give it a good sniff before eating it. But I am going to use up that two year old bottle of Jergens and that Costco coconut oil even if it kills me. 

Having said that, in the past year, I have bought new tires for both my car and Bertha (the road bike) and they are fabulous! I have been using the same tires on Bertha for about 10 years and I was starting to have trouble stopping due to the lack of tread. I even splurged for the fancy brand, and man are they nice. Same thing goes with the car; I have replaced a tire here and there but finally decided to get four new ones at the same time and I feel like a new woman. I also do replace the little things that I can fix myself, like my car cabin air filter (did you know you were supposed to do that? I just learned about it a few years ago), wipers and the engine air filter regularly. 

Old girl, new tires

Fall. 

It is perpetual leaf raking season again. I think I have mentioned before that my seasons are based on the status of the maple tree in my front yard. September: clean the leaves out of the gutter season. October to December: leaf raking season. January to March: ankle breaking ball pick up season, also coincides with rainy season. April to June: spring break. July to August: removing branches from electrical wire season. I pretty much fill up the compost bin and/or the green trash bin with leaves each week and I still can't really keep up with all of the leaves on the ground. Usually at some point in December there is a huge wind and rain and it knocks many of the remaining leaves off the tree, but I would prefer that just happen early so I can rake them all and be done with it. It is supposed to rain this week so maybe this will be the week it happens? I doubt it, as the tree still has about 87% of its leaves left right now but one can hope. 

Gutter cleaning season

How was your weekend? Do parents use fancy cameras to film stuff at your kid's sports events? Do you follow the suggested expiration dates on your products and/or foods? 

The Joke Is On Me: ATM Cards

Last time I was an idiot, it was travelers checks that almost did me in. As I grew up and got smarter and more with the times, I stopped carrying traveler's checks and almost exclusively used my ATM card. A lot of countries take credit cards now, but there are still some countries where having cash is a necessary thing and sometime the rate is better through the ATM (unless you get charged ATM fees, but we can talk about how to avoid that in a different post). So I always take an ATM card and a credit card with me when I travel, no matter where I am going. 

Gratuitous Slovenian mountain scene. 

Last year I went to Slovenia. The plan was that I was going to be in a city probably four or five of the fourteen days and would be hiking a point to point hike for the other ten days. This meant that I would not be able to leave things somewhere to pick up; I would have to carry everything I needed for the entire fourteen days on my back. Needless to say, I wanted to pack light. So I carried a lot of items that I could use for both trail and city and I pared down a lot of things, like my toiletries and my wallet, so that I would not be carrying extra stuff. I got rid of my work badge, my extra credit card, my AAA card. I brought bar shampoo. I brought my multi adapter charging station. I was ready and I was excited and I took my pack to work the day before so I could ride my bike to work the next day without the huge pack on my back. I was prepared! 

Then I left the office, got on the BART to the airport, and realized that in paring down my wallet, I had taken out my ATM card. I had only wanted to carry one credit card and I do not think I screwed my head on all the way when I visualized what this meant. I always use a list but this time it was a bit of a hybrid backpacking/city exploring and I did not think about both of them fully. 

You may think that I was headed to Europe, which is not a third world country; why would I even need cash? Well, mon ami, I was going to be backpacking in the remote Alps and there are huts where you can sleep but in my prior experience those huts only took cash. Many of them had no online reservation system, so I could not even reserve them in advance with my credit card. You may think that I could just get out cash with my credit card. That would be true if I knew my pin, which I don't because I have never ever used my credit card to get cash. 

So I sat on the BART as it hurtled towards SFO, wondering how I was going to solve this issue. I did not have time to go home and get the card; I had my emergency $20 with me, but that would not get me far. I knew there were solutions, but what would be the best one, given I was going to be on a plane for twelve hours and then out of the country soon!? I noodled for a minute while sweating slightly due to my own stupidity. 

The solution ended up being the following: luckily (or stupidly, you choose) I had taken a photo of my ATM card, which I kept in a travel folder on the cloud. I would like to say that it was a protected folder, but it wasn't. However, I did use this photo to get the number off of the card, which I then typed into Google wallet. Then, when I got to the airport, I used the tap to pay from Google wallet to get money out of the ATM! Can you believe the technology today? Sometimes when I am wishing that we did not spend so much time on our phones, I think of hacks like this and am so glad that our phones are so dang handy. 

But wait, the story is not to the happily ever after stage yet! I arrived in Amsterdam and went straight to the money exchange counter. A slight side note, I like to cram as much as I can into my vacations, so had booked a flight to Vienna with a layover in Amsterdam. Once arriving in Vienna, I would need to get on the first train out to get to my destination. However, my flight into Vienna was kind of late at night and if I missed the first train, I only had one other option, so I probably would not have time to get money out there. I love to live on the edge, people. 

I work in finance so I know what the exchange rates are and let me tell you, the kiosk at the airport in Amsterdam was NOT a good rate. Of course, what options did I have, given I would be basically going straight up into the mountains as soon as I got to Slovenia. So I got completely ripped off and my dollars barely got me enough to pay for my estimated cost for ten nights at a hut in the mountains. So I knew I was going to have to be frugal. 

Fast forward to day ten of my fourteen day vacation and you will find me at the end of my hike, ensconced in a small guesthouse in the hills near lake Bohinj, one that I booked using Booking.com. Little did I realize, since I booked it from the one spot that had cell service on my way down the mountain, that I did NOT read the fine print and this place...you guessed it...only took cash! Luckily, some of the mountain huts had taken credit cards and I had taken advantage of that to use my card instead, just in case I needed the cash later. However, I had used most of my cash and I literally had to pay the last lady with all of my pocket change, leaving me with about 2 euros to my name. I hoped that when I was in Lublijana I would not need ANY cash or I would be screwed! 

Literally the last of my cash!

Luckily I did not need cash, but this experience made me realize that we have become way too dependent on our phones, upon being able to get things easily at any time and to having the convenience of tap to pay pretty much everywhere in the US (even the street vendors sometimes have a credit card pay option!) As I may have mentioned, my trail name is Prepper because I am generally overprepared, but even I have my moments. So, bottom line is, make a list and always have an emergency stash of cash!! 

Do you use cash when you travel? If so, what is your procedure for getting it? If not, have you ever run into any issues due to not having cash? 

The Joke Is On Me: Traveler's Checks

The first time I traveled abroad, I went equipped with several hundreds of dollars worth of traveler's checks. In case you have no idea what I am talking about, or forgot about these (it has been a while!) they are a check that you pay cash for and when you get them from the bank, you sign them once. Then when you want to exchange money, you give the teller in a foreign country the check, you countersign and date and they give you foreign currency in exchange. If I recall, they were a little safer than cash because they had a serial number so if you lost one or it got stolen, you may have been able to get your money back. I think this is true. 

Anyway, I did not use all of my travelers checks and I came back to the US and put them somewhere safe and then proceeded to move a few times, travel for work, move again and travel more until finally I bought my house and unpacked some boxes that had been sitting in storage for well over a dozen years and guess what I found? Two hundred dollars worth of travelers checks. So I put them in the "paperwork that needs attention eventually" pile and they sat there for about seven more years. I would look at them from time to time and think that I should probably just take them to the bank, but I was not in a rush, since they were issued by my bank where I still bank and hey, they are the equivalent of cash, right? 

Finally I decided to cross some of those long standing tasks off my eight year old to do list (there are still some things on it. I am looking at you, front yard drip system) and I put the checks in my purse with the intention of taking them into the bank as soon as I had the chance. First I tried the bank near my house, which I found out had been closed down about six months ago, which goes to show how often I go to the bank. Then I decided to take the checks to work with me with the intention of taking a lunch break and finally depositing them. You are probably not surprised to hear that they sat in my purse for another week before I finally made my way down to the bank. By the way, do you know how hard it is to find an actual bank that you can walk inside of and talk to a person in San Francisco/Oakland? It is hard. There are tons of ATMs but an actual person is rare! However, I had to take these to an real human, as they had to be countersigned in front of a person in order to be deposited. 

The first time I went down and got in line (where there were no people) I was told by the teller that their systems were down and they could not do any transactions. I felt like maybe someone was plotting against me. I went back the next day and wonder of wonder, the systems were working, the line was short and I was at the teller before you knew it. And then I deposited the checks and walked away whistling Dixie. As Borat would say, this story is NOT true. First of all, the teller had never seen a travelers check. No joke. Never. So she had to get her coworker to come over and explain the process. Then she had me countersign them. 

Then she looked at the two signatures and said that they did not match. I did not disagree with her. One was signed when I was not even legally allowed to drink yet and one was signed....a few...years...or decades....later. My signature is not the same as it was. I used to perfectly swoop every letter and write in perfect cursive; now my signature looks like I am a harried MD with a hot date. So she brought the coworker over again and the coworker said that they could not take the checks. I asked if they could look up the serial number and then verify it against my ID and she said that they do not keep records that long. She finally said that she would check my signature on file and would compare that. Unfortunately, the signature on file (from when I opened my account, which was opened before I could legally vote, or maybe even before I could drive) also did not match. 

She went into this big spiel about how she is doing this for my protection and I was thinking in my head, "lady, I work in finance; you are using MY LINE!" and I made affirmations about how I totally and completely understand, I work in the same industry, I have to tell people the same thing all of the time etc. We finally got around to a point where she said that she would attempt to deposit them if I crossed off and initialed the co-signature I had just done and then signed again but tried to copy the original one, BUT she was not making any guarantees that it would go through, she said. I thanked her profusely, signed again and left the building. 

I know that $200 is not chump change, and I know that I was an idiot and I should not have waited so long to deposit the checks and I know that now I need to go into the bank to sign a new signature card because my signature has changed a lot from the time I was 14. I also really had no expectations that they would get successfully deposited. However, imagine my surprise and glee when the next day I saw that I was $200 richer! 

Verdict: Don't be an idiot. Deposit your checks on time. BUT if you happen to be an idiot, but things end up working out in the end anyway, enjoy the small victories, because they are awfully sweet. 

Have you ever done something silly like this? If so, what was the outcome? Did you end up being successful in the end? 

Good For A Laugh

Need a good laugh? This made me laugh until I cried. Literally.

Here is a sample from DYAC. 

 We've all had issues with our phone's auto correct feature, right? Go to THIS SITE for more. Enjoy!

(sometimes Texts From Last Night has some funny ones too, but I can't guarantee it)