The most common thing that people say to me, aside from where I am going or where did I come from, is that they wish they could do what I am doing. I always say to them that they can, and I do believe that is true. For those of you who don't already know, I am currently riding my bike around the US and Canada, mostly camping, and trying to stay off the paved roads.
I wanted to break down this comment a little; do these people really mean that they wish they could do it? Or is this just a figure of speech, an automatic response, a compliment to me, or a placation?
I would like tomatoes as plentiful and as delicious as my brother's. However, the truth is, I don't want to spend the time prepping and planting and watering and I definitely don't want to spend my summers harvesting and canning and preserving. So I leave that to him and I go off and ride my bike and when I go home, I get to go to his house and eat delicious sauces. I think most people who make this comment just want to go home and eat delicious sauces, or in the case of a bike, have it ready to go for when you want to do a few mile, preferably driving to the best spot and enjoying the best part of the ride, with good weather and views around ever corner.
To do new things, it takes work. You have to get out of your comfort zone and cede some control to other people, the unknown and life in general. I literally do not know what's around the next corner most of the time, and this is hard. I am a type A planner, but in this case, I am often going day by day, because (a) you will just disappoint yourself if you have too high of expectations or you try to control every moment and (b) it's actually part of the fun. I sat in Tim Hortons the other day talking to an old local man, but I really really needed to charge my phone and book that night's accomodation, which is why I went in there in the first place, and afterwards I needed to go grocery shopping, and it was supposed to start raining soon. However, we had a great chat and this will be a story that I tell later, and it did not really take away from my day, except that I got rained on a little and arrived at my accommodation later than I wanted to. But! It was still light and I had plenty of time to set up and eat and enjoy the sunset, so really it did not change my day for the worse at all.
However, people, including me, have a hard time doing new things because we do lack that sense of control and we do have unknowns lurking, just waiting to hit us when we are down. However, I think the positive unknowns outweigh the negative ones by a long shot.
So, people, I am here to say that you CAN do it! Two years ago, I had only mountain biked once in Bolivia, and they did not provide me with any instructions, so basically you could call that a non-event. I had never owned a mountain bike. I had never ridden any bike, mountain or non, more than 40 miles. I had never done any bike maintenance but change a tube.
I get embarrassed easily; I am afraid of looking or feeling stupid. I know this has kept me from trying some new things. Puedo hablar español pero tengo vergüenza cuando hay la gente circa me! I listened to a podcast with a writer from Outside magazine, who is in his 50s, and he said he is going to try all kinds of new things, and be that 50 year old looking stupid, and also help those 50 year olds who want to try new things but have fears that it is too late or that they will look dumb or embarrass themselves. It is not too late, but it is not as easy now as it was when we were 20 and fearless.
For this trip, I had to learn a lot of things, and I had to have some bad days, and I had to fail before I could succeed sometimes. I've definitely used a lot of swear words, many more than I did in years past where I was living a more comfortable known life. But I can do it, and am doing it, and you can too!
Here's a photo of me fixing my eleventh flat tire on the side of the road in Wisconsin (I think. I may have lost count):
On the flip side, here are a few beautiful sunrises!
And when I say that you can do it, I don't just mean riding a bike. I mean all of those things that you really do wish you could do. Starting a side hustle, growing beautiful tomatoes, raising kids, learning Spanish. You can do it if you put your mind to it (or your back into it, if you are Ice Cube) and embrace the unknown, and the fear, and the lack of control. and once you are done, you will look back and say, hey, that wasn't so hard after all (right?)
What thing have you always wished you could do but haven't tried yet? What new things have you tried lately? What's your trick for getting over the uncomfortable parts of a new venture?
this is so true. We can do it if we really want to. I tell the same to others when they say they cannot imagine running for a marathon and I tell them everybody can run a marathon. The hard part is identifying what they really want. That's the hard task in my opinion. We are often surrounded by so many restrictions, norms, should and should not, that we often forget what we want because we are so easily influenced, and we stop hearing our soul. Once we know what we want to do, the rest is doable with commitment.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty good with setting up goals and execute them, even in hard days, I remember the why. I try to teach my girls the same. Figure out what they like/want, then do it, no matter how many obstacles they face.
You are totally right. The hard thing is identifying what we want. I think it's fine not to want what others have, or to do what they are doing, but I also think it's hard because social media and stories can make it seem so fun or interesting or desirable sometimes. However, we first need to step back and see what it really would entail, then decide if we want to take on that challenge. And if we do, I think we can do it!
DeleteMy "trick" for getting over uncomfortable stuff is...to just do it! When I started my local tourism stuff, I felt stupid for driving an hour to see a lake when there's a lake at the park a few miles away. I got to the lake and it was awesome. When I did my first overnight trip, I felt like I was "wasting money"...until I got to the Airbnb and it was awesome. There have been other interests that I have pursued that weren't as rewarding, but by trying them at least I was checking them off the list.
ReplyDeleteWhen we're considering doing big things and living out dreams, there is a risk...but there is also the risk not pursuing our dreams and leading a less interesting/less satisfying life. This world has enough boring, unhappy people.
Wow, your second paragraph is profound! I totally agree and think that often it's either fear holding us back, or that we don't know about something or that we don't give it a chance. For example, on HS my group of friends made fun of the cheerleading girls, but what's that they say, don't knock it till you've tried it? Maybe I should have tried it and maybe I would have loved it! I do like watching the gymnastics now, so who knows!
DeleteBut for big things, I think that is mostly fear keeping us down. Fear of failure, of looking stupid, of not knowing what we are doing. So, like you said, we need to just take the goal, do the scary thing, and often we will either learn something or have a great time! Or change 11 tubes on the side of the road in various states and live through it.
I think you're exactly right. So many people say "I wish I could do that" when they mean they wish they could reap the benefit of the effort. I already know I couldn't--literally--bike the way you do. My knees--one surgically repaired, the other, not yet--would not be able to. Plus, your trip sounds worky to me. I'd rather drive and stay in hotels and not be even remotely inconvenienced. Still, I love reading about your adventures and admire your spirit and independence and attitude. I just know it's not for me.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Birchie, above, says. The best way to do something that is a little scary or uncomfortable is to just do it. Even if you fail, the sense of accomplishment from trying makes you feel that much more ready to try again.
I agree with Birchie too. Even if you fail, the attempt can teach you, or get you ready to try again, or be a marvelous experience. We just have to get used to being okay with failure!
DeleteI can say that I do not wish to do what you are doing - but I enjoy following along on your adventures! If I really want to do something, I am pretty good at finding a way to do it, whether that's canning, training for a marathon, getting my MBA, getting my CFA, etc. My trick for doing challenging things is to break it down into smaller steps or just focus on taking it a week at a time. For canning, I called my mom A LOT!!
ReplyDeleteMy pet peeve is when I talk about reading and someone says "I wish I had as much time to read." It annoys me because we all have the same number of hours in a week and it's not like I am cheating the system somehow by finding all this time to read. I say no to other things, like watching tv. And, ok, I don't clean our house because Phil has decided to take that on rather than pay someone. But I feel no guilt about this because it's an arrangement we've come to that makes both parties happy (I get a clean house without being an active participant in cleaning, Phil saves money).
But in general, I wish people who said "I wish I could do xxx" would use that as motivation to find a way to do xxx.
I don't think that a lot of people actually want to do what I am doing! However, the ones that say they want to but couldn't are the ones where I feel actually could. Like you said, use my experience as a way to see that if I can do it, maybe you can too. I definitely use other people that way. I see someone who looks like me or is similar to me or even is different than me completing something I would have thought might have been too hard for me, and it gives me the drive to want to try it too. There are definitely things I see and I think that are cool but don't really want to try myself (like that guy who scaled the side of the Salesforce tower remember him? Fascinating, but not for me, thanks)
DeleteI love this! And it's so true that if something truly interests a person, they will find a way to do it. Each person needs to find what that is. For me, it's drawing and sewing. I love reading blogs by people who are living their passions, like yours. It's fun for me to read about people who draw and sew, but it's even more fascinating to read about people with different interests. I think when people say they wish they could do what you're doing, it's a form of admiration, or an odd kind of compliment.
ReplyDeleteI agree that it is a form of compliment, and I do take it as that too. I definitely see that a lot of people are excited by my journey and in awe of the scope of it. Funny though, because I see people going from Alaska to Argentina or around the world, and I feel like my journey is easy and not that far compared to them. So I guess we all have our own measuring stick.
DeleteI really like the vibe of this, Kyria. What you are doing is not appealing to me in the least - I really love my life and I'm living the life I want - but I think it's great that you are doing it. I think you're right, people often say they wish they could do something, and maybe they do wish that, but they don't take action to do it. I will say that often it's all about the life stage. Like, if a young mom said she wished she could do what you are doing, maybe it's that she just wishes for more freedom in her daily life, but maybe it's just that she really DOES wish she could, but due to parental responsibilities she can't. I always wanted to write a book, and now I am. But I don't think I could have done it sooner, as I was busy with other things that took precedence. Now I'm in a life stage where I can do it, whereas before I was busy teaching yoga and raising the kids, and I didn't have the extra space for it.
ReplyDeleteAlso, what Lisa said with regards to reading (and, in some cases, exercise). I have friends who wish they could read and exercise, but they don't make space for it during the day. Okay, not everyone can sell their possessions and bike/ camp across the continent, but I feel like everyone could take 1/2 hour a day to do something they really want to do, like read or exercise.
All right! On that note, enough blog reading - time to get writing. This book isn't going to write itself.
I may be a dunce, but I did now know you were writing a book. I need to hear more about this! People always tell me that I should write a book about my adventures and I usually think that sounds daunting! So maybe I need to get in the right stage, and definitely I would love to hear about your journey so I can learn!!
DeleteI also totally agree with Lisa about time management. Many people do a lot of things that I do not find productive, then complain that they are too busy. I want to shake them and talk to them about time blocking. Or their social media usage. But, really I don't care what they do with their free time, just wish they would not make comments like that about mine.
Hi Kyria! I got your text but thought it would be easier to answer here, it's easier for me to type on a keyboard than my phone. You're not a dunce, I kept it very quiet until I finished the first draft, which was in June. I am now working on my second draft, and it's going pretty well. It's a novel. I hadn't really written fiction before so I wanted guidance - I took a couple of novel writing courses last fall when I moved here, as I didn't have yoga classes to teach. I found them extremely helpful. I am sure your adventures could fill a book, but whether you want to make it a book of essays, or creative nonfiction, or turn it into a novel, I would think about taking a course on structure, etc. I took mine online via UBC (and there's a California lady in my group!) and I enjoyed it a lot. It was led by three writers who have each published several novels. Starting a whole book from scratch is daunting but like Anne Lamott says in Bird By Bird, writing the first draft is like driving in the dark with headlights. You just see what's directly in front of you, and you make the whole journey that way. I'm happy to answer any questions about my process. There are also so many craft writing books out there, Bird By Bird, of course, but I'm also reading Save The Cat! Writes a Novel, and it's helpful in terms of beats and pacing. It's a big project but hey, I have the time.
DeleteI read somewhere that the way to make memories is to do something new and as we get older, there are fewer and fewer new experiences in our routine lives. Going for a walk is exciting for a toddler if they see a worm/snake/squirrel for the first time! But we have to TRY to do new things as we get older. Ted and I recently took Hannah with us to stay at a BNB and it was the first time we'd been there and the first time we'd had Hannah stay somewhere like that and we were both pretty anxious going into it, but it turned out to be fun! So it's just about prioritizing new experiences, even though that can be challenging when your day-to-day is full of busy.
ReplyDeleteExactly! There is a quote somewhere about the anticipation being worse than the actual thing, and I agree completely. Once I get started, I am usually fine, even if it's scary, hard, new, etc. I just have to go past the line of waiting and planning into doing!!
DeleteOh and PS I am like a toddler, and am always watching turtles or snakes and oohing and aahing over a black squirrel or a weasel or a badger, which are new to me!!
DeleteI find your travels inspirational, but I don't want to ride around on a bike, camping by myself. I want to learn French and I'm working my way through a course. A couple of weeks ago I also added in learning a little bit of Spanish so I can speak a little bit before we get to Spain in October. I think also there are a lot of things we might like to do, but we have to prioritise want we value highest.
ReplyDeleteWe do have to prioritize, and if that includes rest or reading or staring at the sky, that is okay too. I don't expect anyone to always be doing uncomfortable stuff, although I have some friends who wear me out just looking at them as they are always on the go! A good mix of hard and easy, new and routine, is the way to go!!
DeleteThis is such a great post, Kyria. I think it's such an easy response for people to say something like, "I wish I could do that!" And logically, most of us don't WANT to do that. I do not want to do what you're doing, but I do love the idea of not working, not having the typical responsibilities that come with my life, etc. But I also very much value comfort and my own space so I'm not exactly willing to give up working! It's all about what we prioritize, for sure.
ReplyDeleteI agree wholeheartedly. We all prioritize different things, or give up certain things to gain others. I don't mind sleeping on the ground from time to time if it means having the freedom to travel when I want, where I want!
DeleteGreat reflection... I have gone camping alone, and it was marvelous. I may go again this fall, sans kids.
ReplyDeleteWhat thing have you always wished you could do but haven't tried yet?
I always wanted to live in NYC for a while, even if it's like, 6 months.
What new things have you tried lately? Italy trip was definitely new and challenged my comfort in many ways.
What's your trick for getting over the uncomfortable parts of a new venture? My only trick is PREPARATION. That's it :)
I agree that preparation helps immensely! However, sometimes the unexpected can be fun, although I usually dread it and try my hardest to avoid it!!
DeleteAww I love this! When I was doing my solo travelling people often would say "Oh i wish I could do that" and I really do agree that you *can*! I guess the now version if when people see me with the twins and they say "I don't know how you manage" but the answer is "you just do". When you want something (traveling solo, or surviving infant twins) you can just do it.
ReplyDeleteMy brother is a teacher and spends every summer on backpacking and cycling adventures and people often say to him "oh wow you're a teacher, I would love to have three months off in the summer" and he always says "well go be a teacher then".
I love reading about your adventures because now is not the time for mine but I know my mountain adventures will come again!
I don't want to be a teacher. I think also not only they should do it, but also they should ask more questions, as I don't think you are really completely responsibly free for all three months. Things can sure be romanticized from the outside, but once you dig in, it's not always all it's cracked up to be. I actually usually backpack every summer with a couple of teachers, one high school, one college, and they have to do a lot of prep and research in the summer too!
DeleteOh I wasn't suggesting you be a teacher, i was drawing a poorly placed parallel from listening to people say to him "I wish I could do that" similar to the comments I imagine you get.
DeleteI do wish there were other jobs which were seasonal, but I often think about how much I love that I get to take holidays whenever fits in my work schedule rather than on the teacher schedule. So it's definitely give and take! And of course selling your house and travelling is an amazing feat... but clearly something you've thought about loads and I bet other people are mainly impressed with how easy you probably make it look.
Haha! I didn't think you were suggesting that. Darn texting, sometimes I can't explain myself well. I was trying to explain that the people saying that think it's all fun but don't see the whole picture, just like most things in life. So they only see the three months of "fun" but not all of the other parts.
DeleteUnlike some of the other commenters here, what you're doing really does appeal to me- i just wish I could do it. Just kidding! The truth is,, I can't do it right NOW, because the logistics of my life wouldn't allow it. But maybe someday I could have an adventure like yours. There are definitely scary parts, like for one thing I don't even know how to change a bike tire. But I could learn! On a smaller scale... when I tell people I run long distances, their response is typically "I could never do that." I always correct them saying, you COULD do it if you wanted to- but you probably don't really want to. I agree that people should be encouraged to dream big and go after their goals. This is a great post, and I also loved Birchie's comment- the world has enough boring, unhappy people. Don't be one of them!
ReplyDeleteGirl, I could show you how to change a flat and then you'd be good to go! 😁 I used to do a ton of interviews, and our opinion was that any skill could be learned, but it was the attitude and personality that mattered. If they had drive and curiosity and an open mind, we could teach them the math or other skills. I feel like this, and most things in life, are the same. You have to have dedication or drive or perseverance or mental strength, but you can learn how to fix a tire. Or how to get to a bike shop, if you have the mental strength.
DeleteI find that mindset frustrating, when people say they wish they could do something that you are doing. If you REALLY wanted to do it, you would do it. Life is full of compromises, and deciding what is more important to you is one of them. I would like to live in France for 3 or 4 months, but I doubt very much that I ever will, because I am not really interested in the sacrifices that I would have to make to get there. OK, that's fair, that's me acknowledging that my sense of security in my life at home is a higher priority than living in France. Does that mean I can never go to France again? Absolutely not. And who knows, maybe at some point in my life actually living there will make sense. I liked this post a lot, so thoughtfully put together. I cannot imagine doing what you are doing, but I love that you are doing it! I have an IRL friend who is quitting her job and going to travel for a year. More power to her/you!
ReplyDeleteI also find the mindset frustrating, but think I will continue to do hard things and maybe some people who thought they couldn't will see me and think, well if she can do it, I can do it. I know there are physical or financial limitations, and I definitely know that some people are just being nice or don't really want to do it!! Also it is hard, and going home, and finding a job and a new place to live will be hard, but I find that it's worth it!
DeleteWonderful post, wonderful comments, wonderful thoughts. I have physical limitations that drive me a bit bonkers, because they do limit what I can safely do. That said, I CAN seek out new experiences that accommodate those limitations. I dream of car camping and hiking for an over night. I could make this happen - but I have not. That said, I did want to start reading more and using the library. Handily enough, I can get audiobooks through the library, and after many comments on others' blogs about how audiobooks were Not For Me, I am now zipping through them and LOVING it. Small things, right?
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you are getting into audiobooks! I know that sometimes we don't know what we don't know, or we need to try some things a few times before they stick!! I'm glad you have them another chance!
DeleteThis was a great post, Kyria. I think we're our own worst enemies sometimes and hold ourselves back because we think that we can't do certain things... but who really says we CAN'T?
ReplyDeleteYes, of course, there are sometimes actual limitations to what we can do (like, I know that my sick friend won't be joining me for my marathon), but often it's just a mindset thing... and a "getting started" thing. Rome wasn't built in one day, but you gotta take the first step!
I completely agree, and I think many things are held back by a mental block. However, once we do it once, it gets easier, and then it keeps getting easier, or at least more familiar, each time.
Delete