Living and Learning

As you know, I have an interesting relationship situation. Let me quickly remind you, in case you forgot. 

Boy from MA. Girl from CA. Meet while working together in New Orleans. The situation is interesting, as in, neither are "in their element". Living out of a hotel does not give you a very good chance of learning who someone is completely (aka. are they messy? are they a hoarder? do they make their bed/wash their dishes/clean their toilet?) And yes, this matters.

2 months later Girl goes to South America for a year of travel. You would think this would be the end, but it's not. They keep in touch. Boy comes to visit a few times. When girl comes home, she goes to work in Iowa. Boy is still in New Orleans. They try to see each other when they can, which is usually once a month, in a city in the middle, where they are tourists, living in a hotel (aka. not real life). 

After several months of this, Girl gets a job in New Orleans again. For about a year, they both live in the same city. Sometimes in a hotel, sometimes in an apartment, but still, it is a temporary thing. After this, Boy and Girl decide to travel the world for a year, once again living in hostels, hotels, campervans and even a tent (that was an interesting situation). 

Boy and Girl get back home from traveling and go to their separate corners, him to MA, her to CA, where they have been ever since. They see each other every couple of months. 

BUT NOW: Boy and Girl are both in CA. Living together. In a house. Once again, it's temporary. It's strange to be together for more than a couple of days, and for more than once a month or once every couple of months. 

We are very different, but so far are making it work. How are we different? 

- He is not a good sleeper. I sleep like the dead. 

- He doesn't care where things are placed. I am a type A organizational freak. 

- He is spontaneous. I am a planner.

- He would rather pay for dinner out than cook and clean up. I let him. :)

- He splurges. I am frugal. 

- He is always hot. I am always cold. 

- He likes beer. I like water. 

We are also the same in many ways. 

- We both prefer savory over sweet. 

- We love taking after dinner walks.

- We both love photography. 

- We like looking at houses for sale even though we can't afford them.

- We both love exploring new places. 

- Food is important to both of us. 

I know that even though we have been together for almost 5 years, we still have a lot to learn about each other, not only the little things, like what is someone's favorite cake flavor, but also bigger things. We haven't really had the chance to go over all of our life goals, since we are always on the move. We are not going to figure it all out here either. We still have a ways to go, but I am looking forward to it! 

Have you ever had a long distance relationship? Would you rather pay for dinner out or cook it and clean it up yourself? 

** also, I have a guest post up over at Her Sunday today! Go check it out when you get a chance!**

Lovely News

I have to be honest with you all. 

I have been hiding something from you. There are a couple of reasons for this. One, I am a doubting Thomas. I don't really believe that something good is going to happen until it actually happens. This is especially true when it is something that I have absolutely no control over. I mean, I doubt no matter what, while at the same time hoping that plans will go through, but still keeping that low expectation in my mind so I won't be disappointed later on. I know that is no way to be, since it limits my getting super excited over anything because there is always a seed of..."will it really happen?" in my mind.

Also, I feel like if I say it out loud and then it doesn't happen, I look like a flake, or like someone who doesn't follow through, even if it wasn't my fault that the thing didn't happen. So I just keep my mouth shut until things are in place. 

I am a planner, so when I know for sure something is happening, I like to do everything I can to make it go smoothly and be perfect, but if there is a chance it won't happen, I am kind of at loose ends, not knowing if I should start buying stuff/moving stuff/working on things/organizing things/making plans or if I should just sit back and wait. Which I am NOT good at.

Anyway, this time the waiting has paid off. Mr Lovely, who recently decided to go back to school, applied for some research projects with different schools around the country and he got accepted for one in Santa Cruz, which is about 60 miles away from San Francisco. The project is for 10 weeks and it starts in a week! I am excited because as you may or may not know, he lives near Boston and we only see each other once in a while, so this will be some much needed time spent together. Also, what better place to spend a summer than on the beach!?

Lighthouse Point Park

We had a heck of a time finding an apartment. We wanted something furnished. Since it is only 10 weeks, it doesn't really makes sense for me to move all my furniture etc down there (my storage is about 200 miles away), load it and unload it, just to load it up and move it back in a couple of months. However, you may be surprised, but apparently we are not the only ones looking for a furnished, short term rental near the beach for the summer.  So we went with plan B, which is to get an unfurnished place. I have the essentials already, like kitchen stuff, linens, some small appliances and bedding. Our next adventure is a trip to the thrift store for (hopefully) a couple of ugly cheap pieces of furniture which we will have Salvation Army pick up at the end of the summer.

Something like THIS maybe? (source)

Or this? (source)

So right now my car is jam packed full of odds and ends. Our move in date is set for June 3. We are ready for a new adventure! Bring it on!

Have you ever been to Santa Cruz? Do you have any tips on buying used furniture?

The Meek Shall Inherit The Earth

I was going to take a Day Off today, but when The Lightning and The Lightning Bug picked me for their writer of the week, of course I had to join in with their Dare to Share link up! In case you don't know about it, each Saturday, Katie picks a topic for the weekend. You write on the topic, post it and link up HERE. It's one of my favorite link ups, since I frequently blog in "laundry list" form. It gets me out of my laziness comfort zone and encourages me to write about topics I may not explore otherwise.

This week's topic is: Fight For Your Right: write about something that involves standing up for something you believe in. You can stand up for a cause, support your opinion, or just rant about something that makes you mad.

I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things, but generally I do not voice them. I do not fight for as many rights as I should be fighting for. I would rather seethe with anger under my skin than say anything. Actually, I wouldn’t rather seethe, not really. I would like to know how to effectively stand up for what I want, to voice my opinion without getting unnecessarily angry. 

My boyfriend and his family are very vocal. If they have something to say, they say it, and in my mind, sometimes it’s a little much. To them, this is the way they are, honest, sometimes brutally so. To me, it is scary. This is not to say that he or his family are wrong in the way they express their anger and opinions, they just do it differently from my family, which probably has a lot of un-spoken issues, just waiting to explode. 

This makes for an interesting relationship. There are many instances where he is yelling at me to, “tell him what I want” and I am silently staring him down with the evil eye and my mouth drawn tight in a line and my hands clenched in my lap. He thinks I am thinking what an A-hole he is, while really I am thinking of all the things I could have said or should be saying. I am crafting a discussion in my head, as if it were an essay. First I will say X and then, he will say Y. If he says Z, I will say W. But he will probably say V instead. 

So when I finally squeak out my answer from my clenched lips, which of course NEVER comes out the way that it was playing in my head, I never really feel as satisfied as I thought I would. It usually comes out gruffer, more hurt or angrier than I really am. Why can’t I just say what I mean, and say what I want, and say it nicely? Why can’t I stand up for myself without making it a big deal? I don’t know. Maybe it would work better if my relationship were letter based, like in the olden days. 

“My love, I have missed you so much. Perhaps when we finally see each other, we can go to that brunch place I have wanted to try. Love, your sweetheart forever. “

Did those people fight over nothing when they finally met up for brunch?

I am learning, however. Learning that it is better to just say what you want, what YOU need. This may not avoid an argument, but at least all bets will be on the table and you can go from there. You have to SAY what you want to even come close to working to get it. It’s like winning the lottery; you are never going to win if you don’t play. 

As Mick Jagger said, “You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.” 

______

Also on a totally unrelated note, I have a race tomorrow and here is the weather forecast. Bummer. So please everyone, cross your fingers for clarity (and lower humidity) between 7:30 and 9:30 tomorrow morning! Thanks!