The Perks of Being a Swinging Single Gal

When I did a call out for questions back in April (and yes, I will get to them all soon!) Nicole asked me how old I was, and if I was always a "swinging single gal." Recently Coco asked me if I had any kids. I thought I would answer all of these questions at the same time and also give you one of my favorite things...a list! Stay tuned! 

I was born in 1978; in this year Jimmy Carter was the president of the US, homebrewing became legal in the US, sparking the craft beer movement, the movie Grease was released, the first baby was born using in vitro fertilization and the Jonestown Massacre happened. 

I have not always been a swinging single gal! I have had a series of wonderful men in my life, including everyone's favorite, Mr. Lovely, who was with me during my last Round The World trip! However, nobody has stuck, much to Moogie's disappointment (that is my Mom), as she would have loved to have grandkids. So Coco, I guess that answers your question too. No kids, that I know of. Also my brother has no kids, and there are only the two of us. Sorry Mom. 

However, just like I mentioned in my post about traveling solo, there are some perks to living solo too! Here are a few of my favorites. 

* I can eat yogurt, cottage cheese and ice cream straight from the container. Who needs to wash another a bowl? Not me. This is something that I would not do if there were other people around. First of all, I would be dipping my spoon into a shared item, which I don't think is kosher. Secondly, I would kind of feel like a piggy, eating ice cream right out of the container. Third, and Elisabeth would hate this because she hates crumbs, I often eat yogurt with granola and I just dump it in and go for it and I MAY leave a crumb or two in there, which is also not nice when you are sharing. Side note, I did eat ice cream out of the container in front of Phil and Lisa, which is probably because Phil was doing it too and we each had our own container. I can get on board with that! Sorry Lisa! 

Mine, all mine!! (insert evil laugh here)

* Easy dinner planning. If I want to have a bowl of corn and a bowl of ice cream for dinner, I do. There is absolutely zero stress in my life about what to make for dinner, or any meals for that matter. I am happy to have chicken and rice all week and don't have to worry about someone being unhappy. 

Dinner: ham and cheese roll ups

* Things are exactly where I left them. You may think this means that I want to leave stuff everywhere without being judged, but it is actually the opposite. I want to tidy up and come back to the same tidiness. I want to have a place for the scissors and find them there when I open the drawer. I do not want to waste time searching for things that were misplaced. 

* I am nobody's mother. I once had a partner who would leave empty beer bottles in the living room, even though he had to go into the kitchen right past the recycling bin in order to get another beer. I know I should have just let him do his thing but I couldn't wrap my mind around it, and it often annoyed the crap out of me. I mean, they would pile up, and then he would go to bed. Any time I asked him, he would say that he was going to get to it "later", but later never came. 

Our OG local brewery.
They've been around since before craft beer was cool!

* I don't have to deal with family drama. I have enough of my own thanks. Having to figure out where to go for Thanksgiving every year gets to be old. I mean, it's the same day every year; can't we just made a plan now for the next 40 years and save having to discuss it over and over and over again, and people still getting their feelings hurt when its not at their family's house? 

Hello dinner!

Also, one guy I dated was such a Mama's boy. He used to get drunk and then he would either talk endlessly about his mother and how great she was or he would call her so that she could stroke his ego and he could complain about all the ways the world was doing him wrong. I love my mother, but a certain amount of independence is warranted. 

* Planning. If I see a cheap flight to Timbuktu and I want to go there, I do it. This is not about being selfish, but if I ask a person in a couple to come with me, they inevitably have to ask the partner, then they may have to negotiate with the partner, or maybe the partner doesn't want to come, or maybe they do, and either one can be a pain, and by the time they decide the cheap flight is gone. I remember one time K and I were going to go to Honduras, but all of a sudden her boyfriend decided that it was "too dangerous" (based on whatever he had seen in the news) and he did not want her to go there. We had to rejigger our plans, and (funny enough) ended up going to Panama, which apparently in his mind was okay. 

Panama Canal

* Mornings. I love my quiet mornings, and when they are over, I like hanging out with the world. I once dated a guy who would get up with me, before work, at 3 am, so he could talk to me while I got ready. This did not work for me, as he would literally follow me around, and I was missing out on my morning routine. I need it. I finally talked to him, but it was stressing me out to choose between no morning time and having to have a conversation about it and/or hurting his feelings. 

My favorite time of day.

As a bonus, here are three things that are not always great about being solo. 

* Paying twice as much for everything. It is definitely more economical to share costs for certain things. Did you know that if you want to take a cruise for example, you still have to pay for the whole room, basically two times as much per person! 

* Lacking a second opinion. This can go both ways, but sometimes it is nice to have someone to suggest things to do so you don't have to plan everything. 

* Games. I love playing games and it is nice to have a buddy to play with. Thank goodness for the Rummikub app! Want to play? If so, drop me a line!

Okay people, your turn! Whether you are single or partnered, tell me what your favorite and least favorite parts about your current status are. Have you ever dated a Mama's boy (or Daddy's girl) and if so, how did you (or how do you still) handle it? 

If you haven't already, you can fill out this form with any questions you want answered for my upcoming ask me anything post!!

This post is part of NaBloPoMo. You can find the rest of my posts for this challenge here. You can find the list of participants and their information here.

Flying Solo

The first time I traveled abroad I went solo. Of course, these were the days when people could take you to the airport and sit with you while you waited, so my parents came with me and waited with me for part of the time. But then I was a free bird, flying east to France to seek my destiny. I arrived in Paris with two huge suitcases, which I had to drag around the city and then onto the train to Bordeaux, where I would be living for the next few months. 

Paris

Since that day, which was many years ago, I have spent a lot of time traveling solo. Sometimes it is nice to have a buddy to share time and experiences with, and usually when you are alone you can easily find a buddy to share with, but sometimes you just want to do things on your own. Also, sometimes nobody has the time or the money or the desire to do what you want to do, but I prefer not to let that stop me! I feel that although it is sometimes difficult and scary and strange, it has many benefits as well. 

Namibia

Things are hard. Yup, things are hard! You have to figure out in a different language how to get to your next destination or find a product that you need or ask a question. I was in Peru and I needed gas for my stove for a multi day hike and I went to the outdoor equipment store and was ignored at first and then stumbled over the words like a two year old (gas? gaso? fuego?) and then found the gas to be very expensive. I decided to take a pause and recollect my thoughts. I went back to my hostel and saw some gas cannisters at the check in counter and tried again. It turned out, they were half used cannisters left by other people and the guy gave it to me for free! After that, I felt like I was superman, just for something that at home would be a simple chore. 

Laguna Churup, Peru - 4,450 meters (14,685 feet)

There are sometimes scary moments. I was walking on a beach in Brazil when I was catcalled by a bunch of guys just hanging out on the shore. I don't think you need to understand the language to get what they were saying. However, I held up my head and walked past them and of course checked my back when I felt it was safe. On one hand, maybe they were just the "construction workers" of Brazil, but without knowing what they were saying or what the customs were, I knew I should be careful. When I was younger I was so embarrassed when this would happen at home, but while traveling I got through it, and was proud of myself for not just giving up and going to sit in my room alone. 

Barerrinhas Lencois Marahenses, Brazil

You are your own cruise director. There is nobody to help you with the planning, which is sometimes a bit daunting, but on the other hand, you are your own boss. If you want to pivot, you can, and you will not be beholden to anyone but yourself. I traveled to Sweden for a 12 day long hike and about six days into it, it started to pour down cold rain nonstop. By day ten I was wet and cold and tired of setting up my tent in the pouring rain, so I decided to get off trail two days early and go and get a hotel with a warm shower. Did I finish what I had planned? Nope! Did I still have a great time? Yes. Was I disappointed in myself? Not really. But if I had been with someone else I may have done things differently due to external influences. This has allowed me to be more confident and sure of myself and to learn to live up to and learn from my failures, manage changes of plans and deal with obstacles along the way. This also means that if you want to throw in the towel on one activity and go lay on the beach and eat bonbons, you only have yourself to answer to (and myself says, "I love bonbons!")

Sweden - beautiful, but rainy in September!

Even introverts can make friends. I can spend all day in a room by myself with my book and not be unhappy. However, I can also strike up a conversation about nothing with a stranger and soon have a fast friend. I stayed in many a hostel and made plans with a new to me friend to go and see the sights and before we knew it we had spent weeks together. In Rome, I arrived late and everyone in the hostel I was staying at was already asleep. The next morning, when I got up, there were all kinds of people, and I sat and chatted with them while eating breakfast and found out they were basically going to all of the places I had planned to go, so we decided to go together. I ended up not only hanging with this group of people for a couple of days but also went with one of them to my next destination of Naples and spent a couple of days together there. It is so easy to meet people and often when you are with someone else, you stick to yourselves. However, when alone, you are sometimes more open to meeting others! 

Frasier Island, Australia

Of course, being alone does have it's issues. For instance, when biking alone, when you need to go to the bathroom, there is nobody to watch your bike! The same thing goes for luggage, although I have learned a lot since my first two-suitcase-trip and I can usually carry my pack into the restroom with me. Hotels are more expensive when you can't share, and sometimes going out to eat alone is not super exciting (tip for this: sit at the bar and then you can talk to the bartender, the guy next to you, or nobody, depending on how you feel). 

Uyuni Salt Flats, Bolivia

One thing  many people have asked me is whether or not I feel safe, and I can resoundingly say that I do. There are less times than I can count on one hand when I have been bothered or felt unsafe; in fact I have felt less safe in certain places in the U.S. than I have in places like Africa or Central America. Don't let the fearmongers get you down; get out and fly! 

Have you ever traveled alone? Why or why not? Do you enjoy it? What do you consider the most challenging part of traveling / traveling alone?

On Traveling Alone

This weekend I traveled to DC alone, because I wanted to go to DC and run the Cherry Blossom 10 Mile race. So I did. I often travel alone. It's not that my friends don't want to travel, or to come with me, or to support me. They just don't have time, or the money. That's okay though. I realized some time ago that if I wanted something, I needed to get it myself. I have to work for it; I have to plan it; I have to do it. Myself. This is not to say that if someone said they would come with me to DC I would have been unhappy. I wouldn't have. I would have loved it. However, I have learned not to hold my breath.

I guess this makes me sound kind of jaded. Well I am. Some people make time to read; some people spend their money on shoes or booze or a cruise. I spend both time and money on travel and lately, I have been spending it a lot on running. Signing up for races, traveling to get there, paying the price to stay where I am running (or hopefully having a friend to stay with) adds up. But I wouldn't change it for the world. I love it, both the travel and the running. Two things I can and will do alone.

A while back, the NY Times published an article about living alone and how weird you get when you do it. This article went to extremes, using examples such as people who talked to themselves, didn't always leave the house fully clothed, who left the bathroom door open or ate strange foods at strange times.

I admit, this trip as well as most of them, does make me realize that I do have some quirks. I like eating when I am hungry and not having to worry about when someone else is hungry, or the plans someone else has made. I don't always eat "real meals". I can have 3 apples and a carton of yogurt for dinner (ie I like eating strange foods at strange times).

I like going to the museums and deciding, after being trampled by 6 million elementary school children, that I want to leave, and go get a hot dog (which I will eat standing up, on the sidewalk, at a weird time of day).

I like stopping to take millions of photos of one tree (is that weird?), and not having someone trailing ahead of me, sighing heavily. I like doing what I like to do, and not having to worry about anyone else (and I like leaving the bathroom door open. What's wrong with that?)

Does this make me selfish? Yes. I am listing extremes, of course. On the other hand, I like planning out which museums to see with someone, and having their ideas, which you didn't even consider, turn out to be your favorite part of the trip. I like trying new things, that I may not try alone, not out of fear but out of ignorance. I like having someone to share exciting new discoveries with. I even like sharing a meal, at a regular time of day, sometimes.

So, I figured out how to have it all. Mr Lovely, who did not come with me, was subjected to a barrage of text messages and photos of "cool stuff". I frequently updated him on which museum I was in, which one of the 6 million kids were annoying me, or how cold it was before the race. He helped me decide to go to the Museum of American History (cool) but I vetoed his vote for Air and Space (I've been there several times already). Luckily, he is very patient and is a good sport and he even responded once or twice.

So, through the miracle of technology, I can still be alone but I can still share the joy, some of the decisions and...(blurry photos of) a strange meal in a strange place at a strange time.

Do you travel by yourself? What is your favorite/least favorite part of traveling alone? Who is your faraway text buddy when you have something to share?