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| Guadalquivir river path ---> glum |
On the flip side, when I went running on the Vistula river in Krakow, and it was about 13 degrees F (-8 C) out, everyone I passed smiled and nodded and waved. Now, I am sure that in reality, there is no correlation between weather and friendliness, but I thought that people in the warmer climes would be more engaging; I mean, you are outside, it is a beautiful day and it is not 13 degrees F outside! Rejoice!
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| Vistula River path --> very cheerful |
After seeing several people with glum faces, I started trying to make eye contact with people and then smiling at them and basically out of the couple dozen people who I tested this on, one person smiled back. What is happening here (besides them probably thinking that I am loco in the cabeza! I mean, they may not be wrong)?
So then I thought that maybe it was just a city thing. I mean, if you are in San Francisco versus being in a small California town, you will probably get more people just going about their business and not saying hello to every passerby, whereas in a small town, we wave at everyone, whether we know them or not. However, even in San Francisco, if you are running on a path next to the ocean, you may still give a brief nod of solidarity to other runners.
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| Pacific promenade --> slight nod |
Anyway, then I went to the Costa del Sol to a small town on the coast, and ran along the promenade there, and tried to make eye contact (loco!) and still was not getting any response.
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| Mediterranean promenade --> still glum |
And then it rained. You know me; I never let a bit of wet deter me, and I went out for my daily run along the beach. There were not a lot of people out. It was raining and very windy and the drops were pelting my face and I could not even hear my music. But then it happened! The few people going the other way were smiling! Even a guy on a bike looked straight at me and WAVED! I was so happy!
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| Rainy day at the beach --> Happy as! |
I mean, look, I have not made any lifelong friends from this experience, but it turns out that braving adversary together seems to be the ticket. Maybe that explains why the Polish people were friendly? Braving the cold = we are in this together!
What is the vibe like on your normal walking or running route? What is your theory about cold vs hot and friendliness?
It's hard to say. With the news being so glum lately, maybe people are just in their own heads and thoughts. That said, I am a person who says hi or at least smiles at everyone I pass on the walking path, and I know more than I really need to know about strangers because I end up in conversations a lot!
ReplyDeleteMaybe they are just in their own heads... I just find the contrast interesting. Nobody talks to me, but you have much less of an RBF than I do! Hah! :)
DeleteVery interesting! I've heard that parts of Spain are not friendly to tourists, so could it be that?
ReplyDeleteIn my neighborhood people will at least wave, but unless both parties have dogs or kids they usually don't stop to chit chat. I've had a few great experiences with neighborhoods when I travel - Port Clinton, Ohio, the place we stayed in Buffalo, Rochester, and St. Pete last month are a few that come to mind. In all of these places when I was walking around the hood people would not only say hi but ask how I was. Like you say, I'm not making lifelong friends, but it really adds to the experience.
Yes! The guy who talked to us in Buffalo is a great example. He could have just ignored us and let us go about our day but he made a joke and engaged. It is interesting to see who does that and where they are and I don't want to generalize but it has been very strange here, which surprised me!
DeleteHi Kyria,
ReplyDeleteYour post today really struck a chord with me. I kid you not, but for the family that lives right next door to me, the husband is from Spain and the wife is from Poland. The wife is very friendly and always says hello and the husband has gotten a reputation on our street where multiple people have literally asked why he almost never says hello or appears friendly. I realize they are not strangers, so it’s not totally comparable to what you’re saying. On another note, when I take a walk or run with my 15-year old son in our suburban neighborhood, I almost always say hello to a random passerby and my son asks me each time, “why do you have to talk to complete strangers?” to which I say “because I’m being friendly.” Of course, when I walk alone or with my wife, we stop and talk to the various neighbors on our street, even when the weather is varied. I don’t think we will ever figure out an exact science on this. By the way, really love your beautiful photos!
Hey Berreaux! That is so funny! I mean, usually there is one outgoing and one introverted person in a couple, but that is very funny that it goes along with what I was saying. What your son says cracks me up, because my Dad used to wave at everyone, even the highway patrol, as he drove into town (from the car!) and I would always ask him if he knew that person, and he usually didn't. But what happened? Of course now I am the one maniacally waving at strangers! Haha! We do become our parents. Or maybe we just get more friendly (?) I actually found my neighbors to be nice enough, but not always super engaging! Like we would wave if we passed, but not necessarily go further than that. I am glad to hear that your neighborhood is friendly like that! Is Mrs. B an extrovert? I know you aren't! :)
DeleteThat is very funny about your Dad! Mrs. B is definitely more on the extroverted side!
DeleteI think it might have to do with the volume of people encountered on a run/walk. For example, the lake path around Lake Harriet can be quite busy so the more people who are out, the less likely I am to smile or greet people. And often times, runners that I encounter are very focused and might not even look up. But when there are fewer people out and about, I will acknowledge them. I've been walking in our neighborhood and definitely say hi/good morning/afternoon to people I encounter. I do remember that walking with Paul in the stroller when he was a toddler and he would enthusiastically say hi to people/wave and they would flat out ignore him which I found extremely puzzling! Who could ignore a sweet kid enthusiastically waving!!!
ReplyDeleteI do agree with that, the more people, the less interaction. I mean, you can't be saying, "hi, hello, hey, hi, hello, hi, hello" a million times. But in this case it was not super busy, and in the beach town it is also not super busy. Definitely when it was raining, it was not busy at all, so that could be a case for your theory! And yeah, who could ignore sweet Paul?
DeleteThis is a funny experiment. I can imagine the people who faced the bad weather felt a connection to someone doing the same thing. For the most part, the people I run or walk past are friendly. There was a man, who moved away a few years ago, who used to always be outside when I ran by . . . he seemed to be on the lookout for me and was always ready with a big friendly wave and maybe a greeting of a few words, like "Great to see you after the long winter." There is one man who NEVER greets, waves, or nods. It is strange. I could run right past him, see his face, call out a hearty hello (I don't wear earbuds) and he never acknowledges me. I've tried greeting him louder. Nope. My friend, whose mom is from Poland, is very very friendly. ;)
ReplyDeleteThere are definitely just different personality types, like my friend J, who, when we were on the John Muir Trail (very busy hiking trail) was not only saying hi to everyone but also asking them where they were from and wanting to hear their entire story. At that point, I was avoiding eye contact with people! You neighbor who moved away sounds like a friendly guy!
DeleteThis is so interesting! I did a little search on Google, and here's what the AI bot summed up for me: "Spanish people may not smile at strangers as readily as people from some other cultures because in Spanish culture, a smile is often seen as a sign of familiarity or an invitation to interact, so smiling at someone you don't know can be perceived as overly friendly or even intrusive; it's generally reserved for people you know or are actively trying to engage with."
ReplyDeleteWell, I am sending you a HUGE smile, Kyria! 😁
That is an interesting bit of insight from AI Michelle! So basically I am being intrusive!? Oops. Actually I AM trying to engage with people, so maybe I am doing it right? Who knows. The funny thing is that I don't think anyone in my normal life would call me "overly friendly." :) Thanks for this!
DeleteI think people are much more likely to wave, nod or say hello in smaller towns, altohugh I did an experiment a few years ago where I said good morning/afternoon to everyone I walked/ran past in the suburb we were living in and most made some kind of acknowledgement. Around here there are a few people who do nod, smile or say a greeting when walking.
ReplyDeleteI agree, and I also think that people are more apt to say hello when you are out in the woods (like hiking for example). Maybe that goes back to Lisa's point though, in that less people equals more interaction, or maybe the common ground is the key?
DeleteI also remember Poland being very warm and hearing “din dobry “ everywhere. Spain… I was in Sevilla in 2023… don’t remember many interactions but in small villages people were very friendly, especially when they saw i have small kids. Kids in general make contact with zero hang-ups. I wanna be more like them.
ReplyDeleteOh Daria from momofchildren.com
Kids definitely help! I think kids don't always follow social cues, which in the end can be better because they are not as hesitant to mess up! My friend's daughter said happy new year to everyone in German and we tallied up how many smiled or said something back and how many didn't, but she was not really offended if they didn't!
DeleteHmmm! That is interesting. I can see why the rainy day gave everyone a feeling of solidarity. I kind of agree with Lisa's comment above- it could depend on the number of people. If you're constantly passing people, you're less likely to smile or wave. On my dark morning runs, I usually only encounter a couple other runners, and we always wave to each other, and usually call out "good morning!" But I do smile and wave to everyone I encounter- they almost always reciprocate. Honestly I think it's weird NOT to acknowledge other people- unless once again as Lisa said, you're passing people every few seconds.
ReplyDeleteI agree with that. I definitely feel like if it is dark or cold and not many people are out, you are more likely to be more friendly. I wonder where the line is, like, one person per minute, too much, but one person per five minutes, not too much?
DeleteThis was a very fun analysis of your runs and people's behavior! Braving adverse weather conditions does seem to be the friendly factor. Although, in my (admittedly limited) travels, I believe that Polish people are the nicest, most friendly people I've ever met.
ReplyDeleteI agree; I found Polish people in general to be very nice.
DeleteOh interesting observation! I am a 50% smiler or waver at runners. Or maybe more than that? But I love giving a nod to other cyclists. Sometimes I'll be pootling around with a kid on the back of my bike and I'll nod at a lycra road cyclist and I only realize later that I am not actually a lycra roadie.
ReplyDeleteOur neighbor on one side is Russian, and he told my husband that in Russia if you smile too much, people think you are crazy. So you will be walking up to him, and his face is dour, but then he will catch himself and give you a very quick smile, but before you even pass, his face goes back to dour. He's a really nice guy though.
ReplyDeleteInteresting theory! I have to say, I've encountered both here in Sacramento (have you run here? What are your thoughts?) - people, who are superfriendly and smile and nod, and others who just stare ahead without acknowledgement. I have been thinking about the why but haven't come up with an explanation.
ReplyDeleteHa, this is funny.
ReplyDeleteI would agree though... being out in the weather together is some sort of bond. I rather nod to other when we are alone and tough instead of when its sunshine and a horde is out. Then I just want to be left alone.