3.28.2023

Flying Solo

The first time I traveled abroad I went solo. Of course, these were the days when people could take you to the airport and sit with you while you waited, so my parents came with me and waited with me for part of the time. But then I was a free bird, flying east to France to seek my destiny. I arrived in Paris with two huge suitcases, which I had to drag around the city and then onto the train to Bordeaux, where I would be living for the next few months. 

Paris


Since that day, which was many years ago, I have spent a lot of time traveling solo. Sometimes it is nice to have a buddy to share time and experiences with, and usually when you are alone you can easily find a buddy to share with, but sometimes you just want to do things on your own. Also, sometimes nobody has the time or the money or the desire to do what you want to do, but I prefer not to let that stop me! I feel that although it is sometimes difficult and scary and strange, it has many benefits as well. 

Namibia


Things are hard
. Yup, things are hard! You have to figure out in a different language how to get to your next destination or find a product that you need or ask a question. I was in Peru and I needed gas for my stove for a multi day hike and I went to the outdoor equipment store and was ignored at first and then stumbled over the words like a two year old (gas? gaso? fuego?) and then found the gas to be very expensive. I decided to take a pause and recollect my thoughts. I went back to my hostel and saw some gas cannisters at the check in counter and tried again. It turned out, they were half used cannisters left by other people and the guy gave it to me for free! After that, I felt like I was superman, just for something that at home would be a simple chore. 

Laguna Churup, Peru - 4,450 meters (14,685 feet)


There are sometimes scary moments
. I was walking on a beach in Brazil when I was catcalled by a bunch of guys just hanging out on the shore. I don't think you need to understand the language to get what they were saying. However, I held up my head and walked past them and of course checked my back when I felt it was safe. On one hand, maybe they were just the "construction workers" of Brazil, but without knowing what they were saying or what the customs were, I knew I should be careful. When I was younger I was so embarrassed when this would happen at home, but while traveling I got through it, and was proud of myself for not just giving up and going to sit in my room alone. 

Barerrinhas Lencois Marahenses, Brazil


You are your own cruise director.
There is nobody to help you with the planning, which is sometimes a bit daunting, but on the other hand, you are your own boss. If you want to pivot, you can, and you will not be beholden to anyone but yourself. I traveled to Sweden for a 12 day long hike and about six days into it, it started to pour down cold rain nonstop. By day ten I was wet and cold and tired of setting up my tent in the pouring rain, so I decided to get off trail two days early and go and get a hotel with a warm shower. Did I finish what I had planned? Nope! Did I still have a great time? Yes. Was I disappointed in myself? Not really. But if I had been with someone else I may have done things differently due to external influences. This has allowed me to be more confident and sure of myself and to learn to live up to and learn from my failures, manage changes of plans and deal with obstacles along the way. This also means that if you want to throw in the towel on one activity and go lay on the beach and eat bonbons, you only have yourself to answer to (and myself says, "I love bonbons!")

Sweden - beautiful, but rainy in September!


Even introverts can make friends
. I can spend all day in a room by myself with my book and not be unhappy. However, I can also strike up a conversation about nothing with a stranger and soon have a fast friend. I stayed in many a hostel and made plans with a new to me friend to go and see the sights and before we knew it we had spent weeks together. In Rome, I arrived late and everyone in the hostel I was staying at was already asleep. The next morning, when I got up, there were all kinds of people, and I sat and chatted with them while eating breakfast and found out they were basically going to all of the places I had planned to go, so we decided to go together. I ended up not only hanging with this group of people for a couple of days but also went with one of them to my next destination of Naples and spent a couple of days together there. It is so easy to meet people and often when you are with someone else, you stick to yourselves. However, when alone, you are sometimes more open to meeting others! 

Frasier Island, Australia


Of course, being alone does have it's issues. For instance, when biking alone, when you need to go to the bathroom, there is nobody to watch your bike! The same thing goes for luggage, although I have learned a lot since my first two-suitcase-trip and I can usually carry my pack into the restroom with me. Hotels are more expensive when you can't share, and sometimes going out to eat alone is not super exciting (tip for this: sit at the bar and then you can talk to the bartender, the guy next to you, or nobody, depending on how you feel). 

Uyuni Salt Flats, Bolivia


One thing  many people have asked me is whether or not I feel safe, and I can resoundingly say that I do. There are less times than I can count on one hand when I have been bothered or felt unsafe; in fact I have felt less safe in certain places in the U.S. than I have in places like Africa or Central America. Don't let the fearmongers get you down; get out and fly! 

Have you ever traveled alone? Why or why not? Do you enjoy it? What do you consider the most challenging part of traveling / traveling alone?

16 comments:

  1. I've never traveled internationally by myself, but I'm a pro at doing short trips alone. I like going on vacation with people as well, but I think that everyone should have the experience of traveling by themselves. It's just fun to get away and be 100% in charge of your own schedule for a little bit.

    I don't want to brush away all of the concerns about safety, but I feel like people would be better off being more careful in their everyday lives at home and less concerned about "oh you're a woman alone in a strange place".

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    1. I completely agree. I remember when I was buying my house in Oakland, which you may know gets a bad rap for having heavy crime, or being the "murder capital of the world" or whatnot, but I had to point out to people that actually the neighborhood I lived in in San Francisco had worse crime! Not that I am not careful either way, but sometimes it is just rumors or fear that cause people to think one way, but that way is not justified.

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  2. What a fascinating post.

    I've never done any big trip solo, so gold star! You've organized some epic trips and they all sound amazing.
    I'm a big fan of travelling with my hubby, but I tend to get stuck in my preferred way of travel and don't think I'd be a very good companion for many people. Thankfully, my husband and I have the exact same goals in travel, so it works great. I don't have ANY desire to travel with a big group, but I know a lot of people love to go on big trips with friends/their kids/extended family. (Maybe I'd end up loving it, but I doubt it...).

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    1. Ha! I don't love it either. Sometimes my group of running friends will sign up for a destination race and all travel together. That is usually about 5 or 6 people and I definitely have learned that (1) I want my own room, (2) 3 days is about the max. After that I need to go be alone with my book or a walk or something. (3) There are some of them that I don't love traveling with as much as others. Not that I don't love them as a friend or if we are one on one but in a group, sometimes the dynamic changes.

      I do have a few people that I travel well with but usually I do better one on one.

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  3. I travel alone often, mostly for work but sometimes for pleasure when I go to run marathons. I enjoy it as I don't need to worry about family's needs, and structure days. Some days I like to spend the whole morning just relaxing and do nothing, which is a luxury when traveling with kids. I don't find it challenging usually as when I travel to new places, I can easily navigate what I need to do/go. the only challenge is sometimes the jet lag and missing the family.

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    1. I am sure that traveling with kids would be difficult! I often travel with a friend of mine and her kids and we drive to Oregon from San Francisco, which is about an 8 hour drive for me, but with kids, and especially when they were little, it could easily be a 12 hour drive with all of the stops and need for the bathroom and meltdowns etc. Also I am an early riser (5 am) and they don't get started until 9 or even later sometimes, so I had to figure out that it worked best if I go out for a run while they are sleeping, then I am happy doing what they want for the rest of the day.

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  4. This was so fascinating to read, Kyria! I am so in awe of your confidence. I get flustered and intimidated making a simple airfare reservation for a trip to visit my parents, so I applaud you for taking so much initiative to travel alone. It sounds like a really wonderful and rewarding experience!

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    1. It is a lot of fun and it can be very rewarding. Of course, sometimes I just want to have someone else do some of the "work" of planning, but with each difficult or new or "scary" task, I get more and more confident and it gets easier. I still don't love fixing a bike tire on the side of the road or trying to figure out in another language if the person talking to me is kind or scary, but I have learned and P.S. I can now change the tire in less than 10 minutes and most people are kind!

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  5. I have traveled alone quite a bit as well. I studied abroad in Australia and didn't know anyone but that is a different sort of set up since you are part of a program and stay for a 4-6 months. But I've gone to Paris/France by myself 3 times and had a blast. It was interesting because before my last trip there around Thanksgiving 2013, I went to a holiday party and when I said "I'm going to paris by myself" so people focus on the going to Paris part and others focused on the "by myself" part. I was single for most of my 20s/early 30s and I refused to let my relationship status limit what I was able to do. I love traveling with Phil but I also really love traveling alone. yes there are some uncomfortable moments but I'd made friends on those trips, like on one trip I did a walking tour in Paris and struck up a conversation with another woman on the tour and we ended up spending the rest of the day together. On that same trip, I celebrated Thanksgiving with a guy I had met on a plane that fall. I usually do not talk on planes but he noticed my run club jacket so asked me about running. He was a big runner too and split his time between Maine, where he was a professor, and Paris, where his girlfriend lived. I had a trip planned for Thanksgiving so we exchanged emails and they invited me to join them for Thanksgiving. I know it seems bizarre to others that I would do this but I feel like I have a good head on my shoulders and can trust my gut on what is or isn't safe.

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    1. I think that the people who balk at "alone" mostly have not tried it. It is like giving someone a face when they say that they like eating crickets. If you have never done it, you may think it is gross, but if you have ever tried a chapuline (fried cricket) in Mexico, you will know that they pretty much taste like popcorn. Don't knock it until you have tried it! The other thing is, just like you said, you really can make fast friends. It's like being in the army or something; you have to stick together. It is not strange for me to offer up my house to "strangers" and they have come and stayed! I have met up with or stayed with friends in several different countries and states, yourself included, and have had a blast. I would not have known so many kindred spirits if I had not opened up my mind and tried something new and scary.

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  6. I love travelling alone but it could be better. Kelley doesn't fly at all, but I can get my mother or sometimes my oldest kid to go someplace fun. Still really wish I had a better travel partner though. I did a week in Denver by myself, that was great.

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    1. I think that is why I often travel alone; it is hard to find people who want to join! I have done a lot of traveling with other people too and it also has its ups and downs, but I decided not to wait around for company or I may be waiting forever! I did a road trip from CA to IA alone and I had the best time just wandering the small towns (and Denver) not really knowing what to do or caring what I did! Plus I stopped and took a million photos with nobody to complain about how long it was taking me. It was really fun.

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  7. I love traveling alone, but I've never done the kind of adventures you have. In my "other life" when I was working in Germany, I took solo day trips all the time. One time I went to Rome on my own for several days, which was an awesome experience! I loved how I could do whatever I wanted, when I wanted, and didn't have to negotiate plans with anyone. At the end of the trip though I realized I had hardly spoken to anyone for days- since I don't speak Italian. That was a little odd, to be seeing all the incredible sights of the city and not be able to discus it with anyone. But overall it was amazing.
    I once knew a woman, well off, owned her own business- she was in her 40s and had never been to Europe! She said she didn't have anyone to go with and didn't want to go alone. I thought that was so sad.

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    1. I think that if you want to go, you sometimes have to just go alone. My grandmother loves to travel and after she retired she would do a lot of group travel where they basically book everything for you and you are with the same people for a few weeks. I thought that was a great way to take all of the stress out of planning plus you will make friends fast! I bet your 40 year old friend would actually enjoy something like that if she gave it a chance, because you end up not really being alone in the end.

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  8. I have never traveled alone! It's something I've always wanted to do, but I really like the experience of traveling with others. Traveling with my mom is ideal because she lets me set the pace and what we want to do, so it gives me the independence of solo travel but with a buddy. I want to have the confidence of solo travel - hopefully one day!

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    1. I also like traveling with others, but sometimes they are not available and at first I just made do with what I had, which was to either travel alone or not travel!

      I have a friend I like traveling with because she is independent but also interesting and interested in stuff, so we can take turns planning and I don't always have to be the one to make decisions, but also some days we each go and do our own thing and we are happy with that. I find that being with someone all the time and feeling obligated to entertain them makes me weary, so it is nice having someone who you jive with. I have definitely traveled with people that I do not jive with and we have (or I have) figured that out pretty quickly.

      Regarding getting confidence to travel, I would suggest going somewhere you have been before. That way you are not adding too many new things all at once, and can just get the feel of being alone and deciding what (if any) new things you want to try. Even if it's just a place an hour away, it can be a good test to see how you feel about the concept as a whole.

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