I was born in 1978; in this year Jimmy Carter was the president of the US, homebrewing became legal in the US, sparking the craft beer movement, the movie Grease was released, the first baby was born using in vitro fertilization and the Jonestown Massacre happened.
I have not always been a swinging single gal! I have had a series of wonderful men in my life, including everyone's favorite, Mr. Lovely, who was with me during my last Round The World trip! However, nobody has stuck, much to Moogie's disappointment (that is my Mom), as she would have loved to have grandkids. So Coco, I guess that answers your question too. No kids, that I know of. Also my brother has no kids, and there are only the two of us. Sorry Mom.
However, just like I mentioned in my post about traveling solo, there are some perks to living solo too! Here are a few of my favorites.
* I can eat yogurt, cottage cheese and ice cream straight from the container. Who needs to wash another a bowl? Not me. This is something that I would not do if there were other people around. First of all, I would be dipping my spoon into a shared item, which I don't think is kosher. Secondly, I would kind of feel like a piggy, eating ice cream right out of the container. Third, and Elisabeth would hate this because she hates crumbs, I often eat yogurt with granola and I just dump it in and go for it and I MAY leave a crumb or two in there, which is also not nice when you are sharing. Side note, I did eat ice cream out of the container in front of Phil and Lisa, which is probably because Phil was doing it too and we each had our own container. I can get on board with that! Sorry Lisa!
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| Mine, all mine!! (insert evil laugh here) |
* Easy dinner planning. If I want to have a bowl of corn and a bowl of ice cream for dinner, I do. There is absolutely zero stress in my life about what to make for dinner, or any meals for that matter. I am happy to have chicken and rice all week and don't have to worry about someone being unhappy.
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| Dinner: ham and cheese roll ups |
* Things are exactly where I left them. You may think this means that I want to leave stuff everywhere without being judged, but it is actually the opposite. I want to tidy up and come back to the same tidiness. I want to have a place for the scissors and find them there when I open the drawer. I do not want to waste time searching for things that were misplaced.
* I am nobody's mother. I once had a partner who would leave empty beer bottles in the living room, even though he had to go into the kitchen right past the recycling bin in order to get another beer. I know I should have just let him do his thing but I couldn't wrap my mind around it, and it often annoyed the crap out of me. I mean, they would pile up, and then he would go to bed. Any time I asked him, he would say that he was going to get to it "later", but later never came.
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| Our OG local brewery. They've been around since before craft beer was cool! |
* I don't have to deal with family drama. I have enough of my own thanks. Having to figure out where to go for Thanksgiving every year gets to be old. I mean, it's the same day every year; can't we just made a plan now for the next 40 years and save having to discuss it over and over and over again, and people still getting their feelings hurt when its not at their family's house?
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| Hello dinner! |
Also, one guy I dated was such a Mama's boy. He used to get drunk and then he would either talk endlessly about his mother and how great she was or he would call her so that she could stroke his ego and he could complain about all the ways the world was doing him wrong. I love my mother, but a certain amount of independence is warranted.
* Planning. If I see a cheap flight to Timbuktu and I want to go there, I do it. This is not about being selfish, but if I ask a person in a couple to come with me, they inevitably have to ask the partner, then they may have to negotiate with the partner, or maybe the partner doesn't want to come, or maybe they do, and either one can be a pain, and by the time they decide the cheap flight is gone. I remember one time K and I were going to go to Honduras, but all of a sudden her boyfriend decided that it was "too dangerous" (based on whatever he had seen in the news) and he did not want her to go there. We had to rejigger our plans, and (funny enough) ended up going to Panama, which apparently in his mind was okay.
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| Panama Canal |
* Mornings. I love my quiet mornings, and when they are over, I like hanging out with the world. I once dated a guy who would get up with me, before work, at 3 am, so he could talk to me while I got ready. This did not work for me, as he would literally follow me around, and I was missing out on my morning routine. I need it. I finally talked to him, but it was stressing me out to choose between no morning time and having to have a conversation about it and/or hurting his feelings.
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| My favorite time of day. |
As a bonus, here are three things that are not always great about being solo.
* Paying twice as much for everything. It is definitely more economical to share costs for certain things. Did you know that if you want to take a cruise for example, you still have to pay for the whole room, basically two times as much per person!
* Lacking a second opinion. This can go both ways, but sometimes it is nice to have someone to suggest things to do so you don't have to plan everything.
* Games. I love playing games and it is nice to have a buddy to play with. Thank goodness for the Rummikub app! Want to play? If so, drop me a line!
Okay people, your turn! Whether you are single or partnered, tell me what your favorite and least favorite parts about your current status are. Have you ever dated a Mama's boy (or Daddy's girl) and if so, how did you (or how do you still) handle it?
If you haven't already, you can fill out this form with any questions you want answered for my upcoming ask me anything post!!
This post is part of NaBloPoMo. You can find the rest of my posts for this challenge here. You can find the list of participants and their information here.
I don't have kids either. And although I have a partner this list makes me want to be single again! Don't tell anyone. 😜
ReplyDeleteHaha! You want to eat ice cream out of the container? There are definitely pros and cons to each one!
DeleteAw yiss now we're getting the good stuff! I'm class of '75, so I was a Ford baby.
ReplyDeleteI had a full single life before meeting the Hubs in my late 30s. Being single is not better or worse than being partnered, it's just different. You outlined the perks and drawbacks of both perfectly.
Hopefully mama's boy/beer boy/and get up at 3 AM boy were not the same person;-) All I'm saying is that there is a reason why some fish get left in the sea.
Actually Mama's boy, beer boy and 3 am guy were three different guys! I did not want to rag on one more than the others! They were all nice guys but just didn't fit, which happens. I would love a "this vs that" post from some of you paired up people talking about what things were like being single vs now! That would be fun!
DeleteWell you certainly make a good case for living the single life (thanks for answering my question!). I will say no one, but no one, is getting up with me in the mornings, so I have my quiet 4am mornings to myself. Well, that's not true, when my son was working at the golf course he was often up at the same time, but quiet. I love how much you love your life - you are living it to the fullest! I have been married for 22 years, but we've been together for...26? Is that right? I guess it is. Anyway, it's been a while since I lived the single life, and I was young, so I didn't get all of the bonuses you are talking about. My husband is a really good travel planner, he puts up great holiday lawn displays, and is generally a great guy. We live next door to my MIL but he's not (THANKFULLY) a mama's boy. If I were single I'd never have meat in the house. But, well, compromise.
ReplyDeleteBut if you didn't have meat, you would not have such a cool dual shotgun air fryer! If that is not a reason to have more than one person in the house, I don't know what is. My parents have been together for almost 50 years now and (woof that makes me almost 50!) I don't know what they would do without each other. They are each other's best friend. I love that. For you, what do you do differently when your husband is off with one of the kids in Alaska? Are there certain "Nicole" things that you do then?
DeleteSince I retired over a decade ago, I have been kind of living The Single Life part time, from 7AM to 5PM, Monday through Friday. It's quiet, tidy, and pleasant. I have a lovely routine. I do have to contend with meal planning and the stuff Certain People leave lying around (so that I have something to do?), but it's everything I dreamed of, pretty much.
ReplyDeleteHOWEVER, Rick recently went to part-time as a transition to his impending retirement which will begin on January 1st. He now has Mondays and Fridays off. Let's just say we're working things out. Like Nicole said, it's all about compromise.
Nance, I need some stories! My Dad worked away for a while and while my Mom didn't always like having him gone, when he came back, she lamented that he left things in places that she was not used to. For example, she would trip over his shoes all the time, because he would leave them in a place on the floor that she was used to having empty. It definitely took some adjusting every time he came home.
DeleteLet's just say that Rick likes a television on whether he is watching or not. I don't have it on at all during the day. That was the first battle. Random tea mugs left on the counter RIGHT ABOVE THE DISHWASHER, wrappers from snacks left on the end table for days, and the hair ties (Rick has long hair) left all over the place also had to be dealt with. And how, after living in the same house, does he still not know where anything goes when he unloads the dishwasher? Men will always be guests in their own homes. He's a wonderful man, and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else, but he's sometimes oblivious as to the management of his own home.
DeleteHaha! I think they act helpless because they know we will eventually give up and put the dishes away ourselves, or throw away the wrappers or whatever. I tried going on strike but then I got annoyed having to see the wrapper or search for the dishes or have a hairy hair tie next to my morning coffee, so I caved in the end.
DeletePhil loves to eat out of an ice cream container so you are in good company there. I like it because I probably won’t eat from thatmcontainer so I eat less ice cream as a result.
ReplyDeleteI was single for most of my 20s and my early 30s. I loved being able to do whatever I wanted to do without having to consider anyone else. I loved to travel alone. I didn’t love the cost of being single but I could afford my lifestyle so it was fine overall.
Now I am happily married and I appreciate having a partner to talk through things with even if we don’t agree about the decisions we are making all the time. I like that he handles all the house stuff like mowing, repairs, maintenance, etc. I like to travel with him but he wants to travel less than I do so that is a compromise. Maybe you can be our spring break buddy in the future and meet up with the boys and me because their spring break always lands during Phil’s busy week at work. I do most of our planning and I don’t love that sometimes there can be ‘huffy’ comments about plans. Like this am when I reminded Phil we are having another family over on Sat and he said ‘when and how did this get planned’ even though we had discussed it previously… he feels our weekends are over planned. Which I get… but the more we are home with the boys, the worse the weekend is since they get squirrelly and wrestle. So yah, there is a lot of compromise in marriage!
Phil and I are kindred ice cream spirits. However, when it comes to planning, maybe he and I are not on the same page anymore. :) I love that you guys split house duties; that would have been nice, but instead of getting a partner I just sold my house, which was maybe easier (ha).
DeleteI do think that communication is key; my Dad likes to "overplan" things while my Mom would rather do one thing, or maybe nothing, and so they have the same issue as you do. However, they don't have the kids in the house, which I can see would definitely get a little claustrophobic at times! But it is a constant compromise re how many plans/activities they are going to do.
Also, I would be happy to be your spring break buddy!
"Things are exactly where I left them." THIS!!!!! it makes me so irrationally angry when my Husband or kids move my stuff.
ReplyDeleteThis might be dark, but I remember waking up the day after I got married and thinking, "Welp, it's going to be a lot harder to leave now." Not that I planned on leaving him, but the sheer logistics of taking off on my own had gone from simple to daunting.
I think my the best thing for me about being married with kids is that it gives me a way to think about things outside of my own head. I'm kind of an introvert hermit, and before I was married with kids, there would be days where I wouldn't talk to anyone or even leave the house.
Ah yes, it is very easy to get stuck in your rut when you are single, that is for sure. I sometimes travel with a friend and her two kids and it is a whole different ball game. Not just for planning, but also just the things they do and what they talk about and things like that. It is fun to have an outside perspective!
DeleteIt's funny because I get a bit of this when I'm solo parenting and have regular time without another adult in the house. There are pros and cons (the transition from one state to the other is the worst, though we've gotten better about it over time).
ReplyDeleteMostly this post made me hungry for ice cream. Specifically that mint chocolate one pictured at the beginning.
Also, while we USUALLY eat things out of bowls, both my husband and I will sometimes take a few spoonfuls out of a tub of yogurt or carton of ice cream. I mean, we're married and kiss daily and sleep in the same bed, so we're cool with the other person eating out of the container (like I'd never every be upset or surprised to see it happen).
But Elisabeth, what if he got crumbs in it!? Haha. I totally agree, and have even used the same toothbrush as my partner once in a pinch. I don't LOVE doing that, but it is true that all the "germs" are already comingled! My hesitancy is more about feeling like a glutton in front of someone else.
DeleteWhat an interesting question. I really like being married. He deals with household stuff I do not want to deal with (dead bird, the furnace filter, mowing the lawn) and that's nice. I like having someone to bounce off ideas. We sort of have his and hers foods, so it's not like he's eating my food or anything.
ReplyDeleteSo, here's the thing with eating out of containers and then putting it back. Your mouth is filled with bacteria and now that bacteria is in the container. I am not okay with that and my husband, Mr. Food Safety, certainly is not. LOL. It's a good thing neither of us is married to you!
You guys would hate being married to me. I also don't hold any expiration dates as true; they are just suggestions. I will happily eat a yogurt that it way past it's sell by date, from the container, with my bacteria filled mouth. YUMMY!
DeleteYou are definitely enjoying some single person perks that I have not ever thought of. I've been married to Coach for 28 years. I really do consider him my best friend. Today is his birthday, BTW. I would say the hardest thing over the 28 years has been coping with his parents. They are incredibly controlling (so are my parents, but I 'handle' them) and very judgie and (his dad) overbearing, (his mom) passive aggressive. They threatened not to invite anyone to our wedding, because they thought it was a sin for us to get married when Coach was a full time PT student, because we (they assumed) couldn't/wouldn't procreate from day 1. What even? My folks are very Catholic, but they didn't see things this way. Anyway, the good news is that both of our parents have mellowed with age. On top of that, I've learned to speak up and address shit as I see fit. I no longer wait for Coach to speak up. (he generally won't). I sometimes feel like we 'grew up together' because we were married so young. It turns out I'm closer to Coach's sibs than my own and back in the day, I never would've thought that possible. My folks raised the 5 of us with a lot of favoritism and created a ton of animosity. Whereas, Coach's siblings have a 'we're all in this together' approach to surviving his parents. In general, I always wanted a big family and couldn't wait to be a mom. My house is a mess and no one puts anything away. That can be annoying, but my favorite times are when our kids are all home. Lots of laughs. We went through a hellish situation last year and the way our kids rallied around their brother (targeted by a coach, we sued the school, etc) was nothing short of incredible.
ReplyDeleteAww, this is awesome. I am only one of two, but my cousins lived right next door so basically with us, and so I essentially had three younger brothers. However, they banded together and I was kind of off doing my own thing. But it did make for some fun times in the house, which at least I thought were fun, but my parents maybe thought were not(?) We definitely did not have the cleanest house or the most organized lives back then, that is for sure. My aunt (father's sister) who is one of seven married a man who is one of seven and they had four kids who now all but one has kids, and their house is always very chaotic (but so, so loving!) It is fun to go there and just let loose and laugh, that is for sure.
DeleteOh, this is a lot of fun! Since I'm fairly new here, it was great to know more about you!
ReplyDeleteI am about 10yrs older than you -- and have been married for 33yrs...and we bought our first house together the minute we got engaged so we have been cohabitating for over 34yrs. I was young and only dated a few, and none that were serious, so no Mama's boy experience.
I love being married to my husband. I can honestly say he's my best friend and I love that he always has my back and always works for my best interest/how to be a better husband. He's easy to feed (can prepare his food 75% of the time and is not picky) so meals are easy -- although he says he loves my cooking so I sometimes feel like I should cook more/more often. Ha! He does the "yucky" work like taking out the trash and cleaning up dog messes and taking care of the yard. He also took charge of driving son to school and activities and volunteering at school - since he "retired" young almost 20yrs ago after he sold his business. He's an extrovert and I'm an introvert so he is in charge of meeting neighbors and being friendly. LOL He does leave his shoes in places I won't so I have to be careful I don't trip on them; he tries to do better when I tell him about them but he forgets pretty fast. LOL He's a bit of a perfectionist in some areas so sometimes he gets bogged down with things that don't matter to me (since I'm fairly easy-going about most things). He pushes himself a lot with sports so he gets tennis elbow or hurts his back when he goes for too long of a rocky trail bicycle ride --- or even falls and breaks his collarbone! He used to be a big baby when not feeling well (that's when I used to do a lot of eye-rolling!! LOL) but he's better (and I'm probably more tolerant in my old age) so it doesn't bother me much now.
I love this, especially these two lines: He's an extrovert and I'm an introvert so he is in charge of meeting neighbors and being friendly. Haha! This should have been one of my cons! I am an introvert and actually I think pretty much all of my partners have been extroverts, and there is probably a reason that I pick these ones as I need a person who is in charge of being friendly!!!
DeleteHe does leave his shoes in places I won't so I have to be careful I don't trip on them; he tries to do better when I tell him about them but he forgets pretty fast. This cracked me up..."but he forgets pretty fast." I think that is the same issue my Mom has; my Dad is actually quite tidy, he just has a different place to put stuff than she does, but they work it out (but may have quite a bit of tripping and maybe even some anger from time to time)!!
Your husband sounds like a fun guy; trail bicycle ride? Maybe he can give me some tips! My brother recently broke his collarbone playing soccer and a friend of mine broke his skiing; it seems to be more common than I guess I realized before!
Single life has its perks. I haven't been single since I was 16 and I sometimes wish I had a "single-life" period in my life. I am an introvert and very comfortable being by myself. I think I would have enjoyed being single (at least for a little while). Haha.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you can send your husband away for a weekend or two and get some practice being "single" for a couple of days!
DeleteI met my husband when I was 21 (almost 22) and now I'm 58 (almost 59). We've been married for 31 years, together for almost 37. I love him endlessly. I am so thankful for the life we have had together, for his humor, his support, and for the life we have built with our daughter.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, if something happened now and I were suddenly single, I think I would stay that way. Maybe I would date, but I don't know that I would live with someone again. It's not that I wouldn't miss my husband, I would desperately miss him. But I don't want to get used to another person, and I've never lived alone, and I've never gotten to not have to make those compromises. I would like to travel alone or with a friend, have a dog and a cat if I want, eat a baked potato for dinner if I want, all of that.
On the other hand, my MIL is 87 and is having a lot of health issues, so if she weren't married, she would be in trouble (I mean, she would live with family, so not REAL trouble, but she would have to leave her home) So there's something about having a partner to help you when you're sick or as you age.
All of this to say, I agree with your premise. There are benefits and drawbacks to both being single and being partnered. Also, apparently I have no hygiene, because I have no problem sharing a pint of ice cream out of the container with almost anyone. (I do want my own spoon, though) Husband? Obviously, we share spit. Child? Why not. I borned her. Friend visiting? Of course. Homeless person on the street? You may have me there, I'll just pass it on to them.
I actually do not have an issue sharing, and one of my favorite things to do is go out to eat with someone and we share everything, and no, I don't care if you double dip. However, I feel like a piggy when I am shoving an entire carton of ice cream in my face! That is just my own hang up I guess. But I am not really a germaphobe. Although one of my roommates boyfriends once ate MY yogurt out of the container (without asking me) and l thought that was pretty cheeky and gross of him (plus I wasn't a huge fan in general).
DeleteBig mystery revealed! Heheh great list and I relate when I was living alone during grad school. You know I have a family and I love it. What I love:
ReplyDelete- venue to channel my love and care.
- feeling loved unconditionally
- kids are so fun. Their expressions their questions, and their love
- family vacations. I love sharing those experiences with my loved ones.
- our routine
- never feel lonely and insecure
Things I don’t like:
- being interrupted
- messy house all the time except after helper tidy up
- cost of everything
- being responsible for everything
@coco
Yup, now you know! I do love kids questions and their interest in different things than I have. I am lucky to have some "nieces and nephews" through my friends and so get a chance to have the joy of the kids (without the work). Also I get to buy them ice cream whenever I want! Yay. My last "vacation" was when my friend and her kids came up to meet me when I was in Canada and we had a fun time doing things, except when the 14 year old was being a teenager and complaining about having to hike. But that is kind of part of the experience!
DeleteLove the ice cream photo. If you're going to have ice cream, Tillamook is the way to go!
ReplyDeleteTillamook is great, and it also doesn't break the bank! Some of those little pints are expensive!
DeleteYessss, I love this! Also single (but younger than you - I'm an '87 baby) and I honestly don't know if I ever want to cohabitate with someone else ever again. I just LOVE having my own space and not worrying about someone else. I find dating exhausting so I rarely do it. It would be nice to share some of the household bills, though. The single tax is REAL.
ReplyDeleteYes, it can get very expensive when traveling. If only I had someone to share half of the accommodation cost, I would be so happy. BUT sometimes I do not want to share the space with someone else, so maybe the tax is worth it at times!
DeleteI have a partner and we eat ice cream from the container. Mainly because we are hoggish...
ReplyDeleteMy husband sleeps till noon at least so I do have my mornings. So I can't complain there.
But I hate that we are very different people when it comes to travel. I sometimes wish I could just decide and go and not discuss everything only to end up with a whole other vacation I never wanted. I would spend money on places and experiences and he wants the fanciest hotel no matter if there is anything to do... It's a bit exaggerated but you know what I mean.
I had that issue with Mr. Lovely. To be fair, we had racked up a lot of hotel points, so we often stayed in nice hotels but did not have to pay, which was a great compromise. However, I would definitely want to spend less than him for most things most of the time. Also I can be in a warm place without AC without much discomfort, but he had to have certain amenities that I didn't care about.
DeleteWhat an interesting post! There are times when I just want to run away and check into a hotel room, alone. No kids, no partner. Then I will probably come back after 10 minutes because I missed them. I have a work conference in NYC in February every year and I usually go for two nights. I would be in a hotel room, all alone, in the best city in the world, looking at pictures of kids and T on my phone lol
ReplyDeleteHey, everyone has their thing! I think in a lot of things in life, the idea of something seems good but then the actuality is different. At least you recognize that you would miss them! That way you can plan accordingly.
DeleteOkay, one of these really stood out- not having to worry about dinner. I could TOTALLY get on board with that one! I think there are really pros and cons both ways- people seem to assume that marriage is the path to happiness. Not necessarily!
ReplyDeleteI did listen to a podcast that said that married people are actually happier than non married people. I am not sure what criteria or measurement they were using though.
Delete