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3.06.2023

A Walk Down Memory Lane

November 2021 was a rough month. I had a falling out with a friend; we don't need to talk about that too much. Also, my grandmother passed away. She had a good life and was 89 years old, but it was a bit sudden. My aunt contacted us to say that my grandma had gone to the hospital with a UTI and shortly after that her organs started to shut down and my aunt was about to put my grandma into hospice. My brother and I got the first redeye we could find and flew to Boston to be there with my aunt and grandma. It is a good thing we did, as she was gone less than 72 hours later. 

She saved a box of journals (I suspect she also threw a lot of them away) and we have been passing them around the family and recently it was my turn to have the box. I had a great time reading them and getting an insight into her life that I had not had before. My grandma and I were not so close that we spoke all the time or saw each other very often (she lived in MA) but she was on Facebook and email and we exchanged messages and notes from time to time. She was an avid reader and we often bonded over what book we were reading. I would probably see her every few years at the very least and we had a great time swimming in her local pond, reading and eating ice cream. 

However, her journals were from the 80s, when she was in her early 50s, my parents were in their late 20s and I was but a girl. At this time in her life she was a manager at a halfway house and her journals reflect the strife that she experienced on a daily basis. She also spent a lot of time in her garden, reading and spending time with friends, often in Maine, which was a special place to her. It is interesting reading about her life not as my grandma, which is what she was to me, but as a woman, a person who did things, a person with stresses etc. 

I especially enjoyed a series of entries that she wrote in 1988 when I went to visit her all by myself that summer. I got to ride on a plane alone and got the wings and everything (PS do parents still do this?) She wrote a lot about the weather, but also about what we did when I was there. 

"Finally, clearing skies so we had our picnic lunch and great swims at the pond, then gardening and a fun evening with games at Lucy's. Kyria spent the night - a bit of a respite for me." (I love the last part.) I have a confession; I have also been known to keep a journal and I have an entry from this same day! "We ate blueberry pancakes for breakfast. Then I read until 9:30 and watched TV until 10:25 (I am pretty sure my grandma only let me watch one hour a day). Then I came into my room and wrote in my diary (I am very factual). I'm going to write some more when I do more things. We went to Aunt Lucy's and had dinner. I stayed the night there and stayed up until eleven. It rained that night but not in the day."  

My 1988 Journal

Here is another from grandma: "Woke to light rain; after lunch we saw Willow at the cinema - great fun! and the cows and calves at Peaceful Meadows (this was a dairy where there was ice cream - one of our favorite spots), ice cream, puzzles, books and Sorry (the board game)." Here is mine on the same day: "Today it was raining so we went to a movie called Willow. It was good." (factual)

Here are a few others from other times that I found fun: "Another wonderful day, painted lawn furniture and cleared up yard. Halcyon (where her brother lived) for herbing and talking and a great steak dinner. Home to Mondale-Reagan debate." Reagan! "Gorgeous day out but 18 degrees. Boys and I all have a touch of the tummy flu - up at 4:30 am! Baked cookies, knit, sewed, played. Nice quiet supper, home at 9 pm. Fine weekend." (funny even though she had the flu, it was a fine weekend). 

As you can see, I have had a very fun time taking a walk down memory lane and even though she probably got rid of some of the more personal or emotional sections or books, I have enjoyed reading more about her day to day life, even though a lot of it, like most of us, is pretty repetitive! 

As I mentioned, I have always kept a journal of sorts. Many times it is just factual as seen above, and usually is a record of my travels more than a daily life kind of thing, but sometimes I record thoughts or feelings. I also (obviously!) have this space, where many of my memories are held. However, this space is full of things that I don't mind being public but I am not really sure how I would feel about someone reading my journals that I am not putting out on the internet. Most likely, many of them would be similar to my grandmother's entries -- the weather, a quick recap of my day, nothing very personal -- but it does make me wonder what may be in them that I would not really want to share. However, when I am gone, does it even matter? My Mom also keeps a journal, which I would want to read when she is gone, but I have a feeling she will not want that (hi Mom!) as it is personal! Hopefully she will leave us a few. 

I will end with a passage from an entry she wrote from Acadia, Maine that I especially enjoyed: "As we eventually settle ourselves and try to organize the boxes, parcels and bags for the trip home tomorrow, we are lifted by a PBS Bernstein concert of Brahms "Violin Concerto!" Could it be played for us in a more entrancing place? The evening is calm, cool and soft. I am replete." 

Do you keep a journal? Would you prefer to get rid of it before anyone else read it? What items do you cherish from your loved ones who are gone? 

11 comments:

  1. Your grandmother gave you such a nice legacy! And it's very cool that you have your own journal to cross reference.

    My grandfather wrote up a few family stories for us, but I wish he'd written so much more. Yes I have the blog, but I'd probably want to write up something more personal for the boys.

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    1. I think that it seems daunting, kind of like running. You feel like you have to go out and run 5 miles, so you procrastinate, but really we just need to go and run one! If we jot down a note from time to time, I think it will be meaningful, but I totally want it to be perfect or thoughtful or whatnot, so I end up doing nothing! I think your boys would love to hear your thoughts as the times are happening, and the family stories too!

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  2. I did not know that you kept a journal outside of this blog! I do not keep a journal and I don't think my mom does either, and I doubt my grandma does. She is a very private person so if she had a journal, I think she'd make plans to have them destroyed before her death if possible! I did keep a journal when I was studying abroad but the entries are very personal and I was going through a challenging time with friendships and such so I think the entries would be painful to re-read... I have them in a bin under my bed. I don't think I'd want my kids to read them, but Phil would tell you that no one would be able to read them even if they wanted to since my handwriting is not great. Ha!

    I am kind of unsentimental when it comes to getting things from loved ones. I have tea cup and saucer from my paternal grandma who is still living. We got to pick something out of her curio cabinet when she moved out of their home and into an apartment. She will turn 100 in May and she is very ready to die honestly... last summer she told me she doesn't aspire to be 100. My parents handle her taxes and this year she told my mom "this is the last time I am paying taxes." It would be hard to be the last person living - she's lost most of her good friends and my grandpa died 14 years ago. Her vision is terrible due to macular degeneration so she can't do most of the things she loved to do... When she does pass, she has a collection of tea pots that I will choose from but I think that's all I will take.

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  3. I have kept a one-line-a-day journal for the last nine years or so and really like the tradition of doing it at nigth before bed.

    I LOVE that you have a journal entry from the same day as your grandmother! That's such a LOVELY artifact and I feel like a historical society would love to have access to something like that.

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  4. I love everything about this post and your grandmother seems like a wonderfully delightful (and positive!) person.

    I used to keep a journal, but ended up destroying them when I was a teenager. I'm mostly okay with that. Now I have a One Line a Day Journal, the blog, and I also send monthly e-mail updates to our family and some friends. I collated all those e-mails a few years ago and printed them off in a book. My daughter LOVES to read these e-mails because they have so many little details about her baby and toddlerhood!

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    1. My grandma was very extreme! She often said things like "fabulous" and "excellent" and "great" but she also often said "horrible" and "awful" a lot too. I remember I went and stayed with her when I ran the Boston Marathon and she said she couldn't believe I had run that "horrible marathon!" I think it is funny; I think it drove my mother nuts.

      I love that you send out monthly emails! Before I blogged, I used to do that when I traveled, but along came blogging and I decided it was a lot of work to do both. However, I definitely send out some more private information and updates to friends and family from time to time that will be fun to look back on. How do you keep track of them so that you can pull them up later? Do you just have a certain subject line you always use?

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  5. Oh, I wish my grandma had kept a journal! It must be so fun to get these glimpses into your grandma's day to day life.
    I used to keep a journal when I was in my 20s. I still have them and would love for my kids to have them someday, although-ahem- I definitely need to go through and edit out some parts! You're actually inspiring me to start journaling again- I kind of regret that I stopped.

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    1. I talked to my Mom about this the other day and she said that there are definitely things in her journals that are rants or may not shine the best light on some people in our family, but that was the time that it was and I think it is part of the history. Whatever is in your journal is also part of your history, but maybe you just tell the kids to wait until they are a certain age to read them!

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  6. Oh this is so lovely! I have been trying, somewhat halfheartedly, to write in a journal this past year. I am in a "not writing" period. It's not even a regular journal, it's a Line A Day journal, and yet I find it very hard to keep up. Seems like it would be lovely to have the record though!

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    1. I agree! I think the record later would be priceless and I sometimes wonder what I was feeling at certain times and if I did not write it down, I am likely to forget those feelings or events. Right now I am trying to do it at least a few times a week, and I have found that it helps to have a certain time or thing it is linked to. For instance, I commute by train, so I try to just jot down a few thoughts on the morning train each day. It works about 75% of the time which I feel is a win for now!

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  7. I used to keep a journal but mostly stopped when I got a livejournal. I did still write a little bit now and then. However, like 5 years ago I was cleaning out a closet and I read through some of them and ripped them all up and threw them all away. I obviously did not want anyone to ever read them. :)

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