9.09.2013

People I've Met

I'm having a problem.

I can't keep up.


SF mural
How I feel, or a mural in the Mission, SF

So much so that I created a new category in my Reader (aka Feedly). It's called "People I've Met".

This category contains 15 blogs. It is the one that I TRY to keep up with. If I have time, I (try to) move to the next category, which has 50 other sources which I love. Then there is another category, and another 40, another category with another 30. And there are more after that.

I am ashamed to say that I can't even get through the first category. In fact, I have guilt RIGHT NOW because instead of getting through the first category, I am writing about the fact that I don't even have time to get through the first category.

Lately, I have been working overtime at work. My running schedule has been in the 50+ miles per week. I have been traveling on the weekend in order to see family and friends and/or do races. The commute each day has been a headache due to the fact that the Bay Bridge has been closed or there is a BART strike or the new Bay Bridge has opened.

I finally got rid of my car; the guy that came to get it was late and the process took longer than expected. I finally went to that Bikram class that I bought a Groupon for and now I have 8 weeks to complete 10 classes at a place roughly an hour away from my house or I lose my money. I volunteered for a couple of races which have been in random places at strange hours. I joined a softball team in San Francisco, which means I get home around 10 o'clock once a week.

I have been reading the same book for the last three weeks. My only chance to read has been on the bus, and often I am too tired, so I just stare out the window.

I have been eating "dinner" at 9 or 10 at night. This usually means heating up a potato in the microwave, eating it, and passing out shortly after.

Where does the time go, I ask? 

Let's be clear; I am not complaining. I wish that I wasn't so swamped at work, because it does take up a lot of time, plus my brain? Is tired by the end of the day. So tired, that reading books, or reading blogs, or writing, or pretty much doing anything where brain power is needed, is impossible. Or I can do it, but it doesn't stick, or make sense, so it's not really worth it. I'm like Sloth from The Goonies; I can't articulate (but I do like candy).

All of the other things are things I love and have chosen for myself. So I have nobody else to blame but myself. And I love hanging out with family and friends, running, eating, and enjoying the beautiful days. Which is part of the problem. If it's a nice day outside, it's hard to say no; it's impossible to sit inside. I sometimes want to say no, but then the guilt takes over. I feel like if someone is available and they invite me somewhere and it's a nice day, I would be a dunce to not enjoy it. But then I'm tired. But if I say no, I wish I would have said yes.

A guy at work told me today that I like a duck.

On the surface, I am calm and serene.

Below the surface, I am paddling like the dickens.

Sometimes I just feel that I can't paddle fast enough, no matter how hard I try.

Do you always paddle fast enough? Do you always fill your time or do you make sure to set aside time to relax?

13 comments:

  1. Lately I have really taken a step back from saying yes to things and have been trying to listen to my body. I had to acknowledge that right now I am just 'not well' due to my RA flare up. So as much as I want to go, go, go, and plan, plan, plan, I have forced myself to relax. It's not easy and it's not in my nature, but it's been good for me. I feel pretty refreshed now which is good as I start my RA drug tonight and am not sure how I'll handle it so I am glad I'm starting it at a point where I am feeling pretty well rested.

    I hope things slow down for you soon as that frantic pace of life isn't sustainable... that's how I feel during CFA study season. I would get to the point where I'd be so overtired and over-scheduled, I would get kind of shaky and I'd start to sort of dread the fun things I had planned. I know you want to do it all and make the most of your time, but don't forget to make time to take care of yourself!!

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  2. I know how you feel and sometimes have to step back and realize that I'm getting myself worked up about really minor, not important stuff. I have highs and lows with how busy my work is and when it's busy, I just need to let go of some other stuff...yet still balance the work thing so it is not consuming everything.

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  3. I used to fill my time to the max. Then a dog, marriage and a child happened (in that order). Now, I am forced to prioritize. I think, in some ways, we are all forced to prioritize. Some of us choose ALL the things we love ALL the time, so we are forced to be tired in order to fit everything in or to say no to other things. Some of us prioritize fewer things, but are forced to figure out how to make them happen (whether it be a money thing, a time thing or otherwise). I don't think we should feel guilty at all, especially if no crime has been committed. Life happens. {shrug} So, for you, I hope you embrace all the good that is going on in your life and learn to not feel guilt that you have placed a priority on those things and not other things (e.g., blogging).

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  4. I could never, ever sustain the pace you are at now. I need lots of downtime to re-energize myself and I never really feel bad about saying no to things if I know either I don't want to do whatever it is, or that I need to put myself first. I've never been one to fill my time up and constantly be on the go. It's just not my personality!

    You're just going to have to figure out what to keep and what to let go away. Maybe it's a blogging hiatus for the time being and giving yourself permission to put it away for the next few months and revisit it later. My old rule of thumb is that I never feel bad about letting my unread blog counts go up if I'm truly out there and LIVING LIFE. You shouldn't apologize for that! You're just there making the most of your life and that's commendable.

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  5. Oh wow I hope this crazy-busy thing is a passing phase for you. I'd find it really hard to operate 'over capacity' for any length of time.

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  6. Wow! I know what you are going through.... have been there and have just, over the years, started saying NO - cannot be everywhere, do everything ALL at once. Hard to admit.

    Are you a fellow Gemini by any chance?

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  7. OH man I totally know where you are coming from. That is a biggie. Ironman training, both kids are back in school, and I have to work full time and keep the wife happy.... yea. every moment is spoken for. Posting to my blog is usually the first thing that gets left out. Reading blogs is a close second, just because it's easier for me to read at work than it is to write.

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  8. I like the duck analogy. It always makes me laugh to think about the duck's little feet paddling away. I've been thinking about this lately in how at work we are expected to crank out so much and yet, there is no time to do it all. And then we barely have time after an event or project to reflect on anything. But forge on we do.

    Sometimes I do feel like I'm treading water or just trying to stay in one spot against a stream that's coming toward me (during busy times at work, or when I'm working and taking classes). I try to tell myself "okay, you'll be better when this event is over." or "just study for this test and you'll do well and the weekend will be here before you know it." Basically giving myself small little goals to reach to make it seem more manageable. A few years ago, I also started committing to less because I simply couldn't do everything I wanted to do. That has helped somewhat. Hang in there and hopefully, some things start getting less crazy in your life.

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  9. This is totally me. I am constantly trying to keep myself afloat, but I feel like I'm going to sink any second. And I'm so exhausted all the time that I just can't keep up.

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  10. This is totally me. I am constantly trying to keep myself afloat, but I feel like I'm going to sink any second. And I'm so exhausted all the time that I just can't keep up.

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  12. I have been feeling really frantic during the weeks lately as I'm also really busy at work (though not working nearly as much overtime as you!) and then most days after work I other run, go to crossfit or go to yoga! So I really don't feel like spending time on my computer after all that and when I've been on it go go going all day. Luckily our weekends in September have been a lot slower paced which has been just what I needed!! Hope things slow down for you soon, especially at work!

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